The Late Show's Stephanie Birkitt (or Briquette, or Bibbitt) was born on January 7, 1975 in Plymouth, New Hampshire. New Hampshire is the location of the barn where she has been attacked (well, pecked, at least) by various disagreeable varmints, including a barn owl, raccoon, prairie falcon, maniacal crow, woodpecker and maniacal chicken. All of these incidents have been documented on the Late Show with David Letterman, so they're true.

A 1997 graduate of Wake Forest University, Stephanie majored in history and had a minor in communications. She has never done hard time.

She earned the distinction of being #21 on the 2002 Pop Candy Top 100 People of the Year, but was kept out of the top twenty by a couple of Osbournes, Bruce Springsteen, that hottie Shannyn Sossamon, Bono and the grand champion, Winona Ryder.

Aside from assisting TV Boy, Stephanie co-hosts the wildly popular Tony Mendez Show on the Late Show Web site. Seabiscuit (the famous but ill-mannered horse) also appears regularly on the program, in its ongoing quest to kill Tony Mendez. Don't miss a single action-packed episode.

Stephanie attended the Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law in New York City beginning in 2005, and she passed the New York State bar exam in February 2009.


Donz's CD is finally available!

Red Horizon is now available from CD Baby for a mere $12.98. A collaboration of Tad Lathrop and the world's #1 Letterman fan, Don Giller (Donz5), Red Horizons was many years in the making. I was fortunate enough to receive a preview copy of the CD a few months ago, and it's outstanding. Those of us who know Donz are aware of the tremendous amount of work he's put into editing, and getting everything just right. Now it's ready for prime time. You can preview some of the tracks on CD Baby. You may be excused from this site temporarily while you order the CD. This just in: Look at the reviews on Amazon, where it's also available.


5/24/96: "Staff Nightmares" (with Alex Gregory, Beth Ann Holden, Stephanie Birkitt, Bob Borden and Joe Montana)
12/26/00: Dave calls Stephanie to ask her to tape Jackass.
1/10/01: Dave calls Stephanie Birkitt to ask for dental tools, and to get him a tape of Temptation Island.
1/15/01: Dave calls Stephanie to thank her for the cake. He also wants some Miller Lite® inflatable chairs.
1/18/01: Dave calls Stephanie to have Jackass taped.
1/29/01: Dave calls Stephanie to discuss skiing. He tells her to call KFC and return the unused chicken. Dave then shows Stephanie's skiing pictures.
1/31/01: Dave calls to ask if Johnny Knoxville of Jackass has called. Later there's another check with Art Kelly and Steph.
2/05/01: Dave calls Art Kelly upstairs to check on today's feedback on the show, then Stephanie Birkitt to have Queen Latifah and Jackass taped.
2/12/01: Dave engages in a lengthy discussion of stomach flu. He calls Art Kelly upstairs to inquire about staff with stomach flu, then Stephanie Birkitt to ask if Clinton pal Denise Rich has answered his calls.
3/26/01: Dave calls Stephanie to discuss her Oscars snacks.
4/10/01: Dave calls to have Stephanie tell about her pictures from the Long Beach Gran Prix.
5/02/01: Dave calls Stephanie to ask her about the strippers in her apartment over the weekend (something about a bachelor party).
5/08/01: Dave calls Stephanie to discuss her weekend, and her dislike for antique shops.
5/21/01: Dave calls Art Kelly upstairs to ask if any Colombians have called after Miss Colombia's visit. (no) / Then he talks to Stephanie Birkitt about her weekend visit from a friend and her incontinent Doberman.
6/06/01: Dave calls Stephanie to ask her about her neatnick roommate.
6/12/01: Dave calls to ask Stephanie to ask about her blind date that never happened.
6/26/01: Dave calls to ask about Stephanie's aborted weekend trip to Florida.
7/09/01: Dave calls Stephanie while he shows her vacation pictures.
7/10/01: Dave calls Stephanie to talk about last night's screening of Julia Roberts' new movie, and to clear up an accusation that on last night's show she said "shorts" and not "whores" when she referred to the "dirty little Hooters® girls."
7/24/01: Dave calls Stephanie to ask about her weekend.
7/25/01: Dave displays his wacky orange socks. He says because he's wearing them he gets to shove Stephanie Birkitt's face into a cake after the show.
7/30/01: Dave calls Stephanie, and shows pics of her and her friends at Super Duper Weenie in Connecticut, and Steph with cake on her face.
8/20/01: Dave calls Stephanie to hear about her brush with death. She was choking to death and her relatives all thought she was goofing around.
8/27/01: Dave calls Stephanie for back-to-school tips, and to get her commentary on her weekend photos.
9/03/01: Dave calls Stephanie to have her narrate her wacky photos from the U. S. Open. / video: Stephanie's favorite
10/01/01: Dave calls Stephanie, who is now using Herbal Essence®, for a recap of her weekend mishaps.
10/02/01: Dave calls Art Kelly and Stephanie Birkitt upstairs to ask them to take the cotton candy machine to Rupert's. / bumper: Stephanie making cotton candy at Hello Deli
10/08/01: Dave calls Stephanie as he shows her weekend pictures from the Central Park Zoo.
10/15/01: Dave calls Stephanie for commentary on her weekend turkey hunting pics.
10/29/01: Dave calls Stephanie for her narration of pictures from her weekend in the country.
11/05/01: Stephanie tells about her weekend trip to Philadelphia.
11/12/01: Dave calls Stephanie to discuss her pictures from the weekend in Rhode Island.
11/19/01: Dave calls Art Kelly upstairs to see if Oprah called today. / Art connects Dave to Stephanie for a talk about her pictures from a wedding.
11/26/01: Dave calls Art Kelly upstairs to see if Oprah called today. (no) He visits with Stephanie about her weekend pics.
12/10/01: Dave talks to Stephanie to discuss their clever plan for her to meet George Clooney when he was a guest on Nov. 27. He tells Stephanie to get a question ready for the Survivor loser.
12/17/01: Dave calls Stephanie about her pictures from a Christmas tree farm. / outside cam: to Hello Deli to meet Survivor loser Brandon Quinton / Rupert and Stephanie ask Brandon their questions.
12/19/01: "Holiday Hairpiece / Not a Hairpiece" (with Rupert, Stephanie Birkitt, Paul, Nadine Hennelly and Andrea Sande) / All believe it's a hairpiece. All were right.
1/07/02: Dave calls Art Kelly upstairs, then Stephanie Birkitt (her birthday) for commentary on her birthday party pictures. / outside cam: to Hello Deli to see Rupert and Survivor loser Teresa Cooper / Rupert's question / Paul's question / Stephanie asks, "Did you see or touch any monkeys?"
1/14/02: Dave calls Stephanie (who met Tom Cruise on Thursday). / tape of Stephanie in a stairway with Tom Cruise and Dave's accountant, Fred Nigro / Survivor: Africa winner, Ethan Zohn / Rupert asks his question. / Stephanie asks her monkey question.
1/28/02: Dave calls Stephanie to have a look at videotape of her being ignored by Willie Nelson on January 17.
2/08/02: Dave calls Stephanie to announce her trip to Utah to cover the Olympics.
2/11/02: live via satellite from Park City, Utah: >"Stephanie Birkitt's Late Show Olympic Update" / pics of Stephanie watching the opening ceremony on TV / Stephanie interviews freestyle moguls silver medalist, Shannon Bahrke. / Stephanie at Arby's®
2/12/02: live via satellite from Park City, Utah: "Stephanie Birkitt's Late Show Olympic Update" / pics of snowboarding / snowboarding gold medalist, Kelly Clark / Stephanie and Kelly make snow angels.
2/13/02: "Stephanie Birkitt's Late Show Olympic Update": Derek Parra, speed skating silver medalist / video of Stephanie's day
2/14/02: "Stephanie Birkitt's Late Show Olympic Update": interview with snowboarding half pipe medalists Ross Powers, Danny Kass and Jarrett "J. J." Thomas / Stephanie enjoying tea with Tom Brokaw
2/15/02: "Stephanie Birkitt's Late Show Olympic Update": singing with Jonny Moseley / Stephanie goofin' around in Utah
2/18/02: "Stephanie Birkitt's Late Show Olympic Update": Stephanie luges on a McDonald's tray / Stephanie on the Today show, holding a CBS eye / Donny Osmond brushing his teeth
2/19/02: "Stephanie Birkitt's Late Show Olympic Update": at Great Salt Lake, with pics of herself, Coco and Mary / kissing a horse
2/20/02: "Stephanie Birkitt's Late Show Olympic Update": new feature: "You're from New Hampshire -- I'm from New Hampshire" (with men's combined skiiing silver medalist, Bode Miller), Stephanie hangs with Isaac Menyoli from Cameroon, and introduces Isaac to Laurence Thoms, Fiji's only Olympian. / "Least Favorite New Hampshire Memory" (with Bode Miller)

2/21/02: "Stephanie Birkitt's Late Show Olympic Update": Dave's mom, Dorothy, interviews Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. / "Do You Have a Girlfriend?" with Bode Miller
2/22/02: "Stephanie Birkitt's Late Show Olympic Update" with Stephanie Birkitt and Dave's mom, Dorothy / Dorothy visits with Chris Witty in the segment "Would You Like Some Water?" / Stephanie rides a skeleton sled. / video clips from two weeks of Stephanie being uncomfortable / video with closing credits: Stephanie, Dorothy, Hal Gurnee and others in Salt Lake City
2/28/02: Dave calls Stephanie to sing and then look at her Olympics photos. / Stephanie sings with Paul.
4/01/02: Dave calls Stephanie to ask which popcorn she would buy. She chose Orville Redenbacher's® over Explod-O-Pop®. Dave sends Stephanie off to buy french fries. / Stephanie (now on picture-in-picture) waiting for her fries / a visit with Stephanie (now back upstairs) as she's working on her fries / during credits: one last shot of Stephanie chowing down
4/08/02: outside cam: to Hello Deli and Rupert to meet Survivor loser sweetie Gina Crews / Stephanie (on the phone) asks if Gina saw any monkeys.
4/22/02: Dave calls Stephanie to set up her question for the Survivor: Marquesas loser. / outside cam: to Hello Deli and Rupert to visit with the latest Survivor: Marquesas loser, John Carroll / Stephanie asks her monkey question.
4/29/02: Dave calls to warn Stephanie not to ask her monkey question this week. / to Hello Deli to meet Zoe Zanidakis, Survivor: Marquesas loser / Stephanie asks her monkey question.
5/06/02: Dave calls Stephanie to warn her for the third time to not ask the Survivor loser her monkey question. / outside cam: to Hello Deli for a visit with Survivor loser Tammy Leitner / Rupert, Paul and Stephanie ask questions. / Paul steals the monkey question.
5/10/02: "CBS Mailbag" / Biff's off tonight. / Dave calls Stephanie to have her put pins in an atlas (off-camera) instead of Biff.
5/13/02: outside cam: to Hello Deli to set up Rupert for the Survivor loser's visit / Dave calls Stephanie to emphatically warn her that she under no circumstances is permitted to ask her "Did you see or touch any monkeys?" question. / Stephanie reviews Star Wars: Episode II -- Attack of the Clones while she's on the phone. / outside cam: to Hello Deli to meet Survivor loser Robert DeCanio / Stephanie asks Robert, "Did you see or touch any monkeys?"
5/20/02: outside cam: to Hello Deli and Rupert to set up his question for the Survivor winner / Dave calls Stephanie to discuss her article in the current Entertainment Weekly, and to warn her that she is absolutely, positively, under no circumstances whatsoever to ask the Survivor ultimate survivor her monkey question, "Did you see or touch any monkeys?" / Survivor: Marquesas winner Vecepia Towery / Rupert asks his hanky panky question. / Paul's question / Stephanie asks, "Did you see or touch any monkeys?"

I'm aware that the critter above is a chimpanzee; however, Late Show with David Letterman has not customarily made a distinction between chimpanzees and monkeys, as evidenced by Shecky's "monkey washing a cat" clip.

5/22/02: Stephanie Birkitt (on the phone) describes magician David Blaine standing on a pole.
6/03/02: Dave calls Stephanie to go over her pictures from her Indianapolis 500 trip.
6/04/02: Dave calls Stephanie to set up her question for Helio Castroneves. / 2002 Indianapolis 500 winner Helio Castroneves / Stephanie asks Helio, "What if you sneeze in your helmet?"
6/17/02: Dave calls Stephanie to set up her phone question for Tom Cruise. / Tom plugs Minority Report. / Stephanie asks Tom if he would mind appearing in his underpants in a movie again.
6/18/02: outside cam: George Clarke on the roof of the Studio 54 building to hit golf balls, hopefully over the Ed and breaking glass on the WPI building on its far side / back to George, then Stephanie Birkitt (whose shot lands by a police officer) / more roof top golf, with Stephanie, then Ellen, then Rupert Jee
7/08/02: Dave calls Stephanie to set up her question for Tom Hanks. / Dave warns Stephanie that she absolutely, positively must not misbehave again by asking her monkey question. / Tom Hanks plugs Road to Perdition. / Stephanie asks Tom her monkey question.
7/16/02: outside cam to Hello Deli for "Psychic Sandwich" / Stephanie "Monty" Birkitt stands in for intuitive Deborah Lynn. / Stephanie demonstrates the pathetic way her ex-boyfriend used to dance. / tonight: the Biff Henderson / Steph guesses the Jude Brennan sandwich.
7/23/02: Dave calls Stephanie "Monty" Birkitt to set her up to review tonight's show later on. / Stephanie reviews episode 1846.
7/29/02: Dave calls Stephanie to set up her review of the show's highs and lows later on. / Stephanie reports her highs and lows for the show.
8/19/02: Dave calls Stephanie "Monty" Birkitt to set up her question for Matthew Perry. / Matthew plugs Serving Sara. / Stephanie asks Matthew her Risky Business question: Will he ever dance in his underpants in a film?
8/26/02: Dave announces the upcoming 9th anniversary of LSDL on August 30. / He says the anniversary staff photo will be tonight, and calls Stephanie "Monty" Birkitt to remind her to show up for the picture. / Dave sends her on up to the roof.
8/28/02: Dave calls Stephanie to set up her question for John Travolta. / Stephanie asks John how to get in touch with the other Sweathogs.
9/05/02: Stephanie Birkitt on the roof with binoculars, looking for Jon Bon Jovi in Times Square / roof cam: Stephanie gets sun block applied.
9/09/02: Dave calls Art Kelly upstairs. / time out for the definition of "ungulate" / Stephanie "Monty" Birkitt tells about her pictures from the U. S. Open on Friday. / time out for the definition of "ruminant"
9/13/02: Paul sings the blues. Once again, he tragically suffers a mental breakdown. / Stephanie "Monty" Birkitt brings his cape.
9/24/02: outside cam: to Hello Deli for the premiere of "Would You Like to Eat a Sandwich in Dave's Office?" / Rupert Jee, Stephanie "Monty" Birkitt and Dr. Louis J. Aronne (on Heimlich maneuver duty) are present for the festivities. / Much to Dave's delight, Stephanie agrees to demonstrate her ex-boyfriend's pathetic dance moves as the CBSO plays a Rod Stewart tune. / Dr. Lou joins in, then Rupert. / Whoops... they've burned up too much time, so the segment has to be left unfinished.
9/30/02: Dave calls Stephanie "Monty" Birkitt to go through her pictures from the Emmys trip (and to dispatch her to the Roseland Ballroom at 239 West 52nd to bring back the Rolling Stones). / outside cam: Stephanie talking to various roadies to locate the Stones / Stephanie brings in Stones roadie, Jake Berry (?).
10/07/02: Dave calls Stephanie upstairs to see if he can get her to jump into the diving pool. / Stephanie "Monty" Birkitt takes a plunge into the doggie water.
10/14/02: Dave calls Stephanie to set up the premiere of "Stephanie Birkitt: Official Pollster." / Dave has temporarily stopped annoying Stephanie by calling her Monty. Now she's Stephanie Briquette.
10/28/02: Dave calls Stephanie to set up a question for the Survivor loser. Dave admonishes Ms. Birkitt that under no circumstances is she to inquire about monkey sightings. Stephanie assures our host that she will behave. / outside cam: to Hello Deli to meet Survivor loser Robb Zbacnik (booted not a minute too soon, this writer might add) / Stephanie inquires 1. "How did you find the weather in Thailand?" and then thoroughly disappoints Daddy by asking 2. "Did you see or touch any monkeys?"
11/11/02: Dave calls Stephanie for a visit and to set up "Stephanie Birkitt: Official Pollster."
11/26/02: Dave calls Stephanie to set up her question for George Clooney. / George plugs Solaris. / Stephanie asks George why we saw so much of his naked butt in the film.
12/09/02: Dave calls Stephanie to set up her question for the Survivor loser. / Dave wastes valuable air time reminding Stephanie that under no circumstances whatsoever may she ask her legendary monkey question. / another episode of "Stephanie Birkitt: Official Pollster" / tonight's topic: Christmas / outside cam: to Hello Deli and Rupert to meet Survivor loser Jake Billingsley, who really has the gift of gab / Stephanie's questions: 1. "How did you find the scenery?" and 2. "Did you see or touch any monkeys?"
12/16/02: Dave calls Stephanie to set up her question for the Survivor loser. / back to Hello Deli and Rupert to meet Survivor loser Ted Rogers, Jr. / Stephanie gets her turn. She kills time, as usual, welcoming the guest to the program, then decides she has nothing to ask.
1/06/03: Dave calls Stephanie. / A camera is sent to 12th floor. Stephanie dances like her unnamed ex-boyfriend to the band playing Rod Stewart's "Do You Think I'm Sexy?" / more Stephanie dancing / with final credits: Stephanie dancing
1/20/03: Dave calls Stephanie for a review. / clip / Stephanie says it was "kinda stupid." / Stephanie gives her Superbowl® pick: Tampa Bay by 26 points!
2/03/03: Dave calls Stephanie to review her Superbowl® score prediction. / She predicted Buccaneers by 26 points. / They won by 27.
2/11/03: all night: Stephanie Birkitt, via satellite, at 21 to sample menu items in several segments / Stephanie says goodnight.
2/13/03: "Stump the Band" (with Paul as Carnac and Stephanie Birkitt in a Japanese outfit, awarding prizes)
2/14/03: Paul sings the blues. / He has his weekly breakdown. / Stephanie on cape duty
2/17/03: roof cam: Stephanie's on the roof to measure snow. (13") / back to Stephanie for a second measurement (27") / Stephanie again (approx. 48")
4/08/03: Dave calls Stephanie, and is disconnected. He gets Stephanie back, then decides he wants to talk to Art. Dave gets Stephanie again to set up her question for the Survivor loser. / Dave makes Stephanie say, "I promise Daddy I won't ask about monkeys." / outside cam: to Hello Deli and Rupert to meet Survivor loser Dave Johnson / Paul's question / Stephanie asks her monkey question.
4/28/03: Dave calls Stephanie, and discovers after all these years that he doesn't need his phone to talk to her. He makes her promise that she won't ask Survivor loser Alex Bell her monkey question. / Stephanie asks her monkey question.
5/05/03: all night: Stephanie on the 8-story roof to help Pat Farmer drop stuff onto 53rd St. (including a TV, paint, water jugs, bowling balls, melons and pudding) / Stephanie asks Survivor loser Christy Smith if she saw or touched any monkeys.
5/12/03: Stephanie (on the phone) asks Survivor: Amazon winner Jenna Morasca if she saw or touched any monkeys.
5/23/03: Stephanie (in a white sailor suit) distributes the prizes for "Know Your Cuts of Meat," "Know Your Weber Gas Grills" and "Know Your Martha Stewart TV Movie."
6/02/03: Stephanie (on the phone) tells about her Indianapolis 500 trip.
6/09/03: Stephanie (at Hello Deli) tastes Rupert's version of the pasta con piselli that Dave cut himself making last night.
6/19/03: Stephanie (in blue scrubs) announces the "CBS Mailbag" letters.
6/26/03: Stephanie (in a blue princess outfit) announces the "CBS Mailbag" letters, then is sent outside to wave at cars.
7/14/03: Dave calls Stephanie to send her to the roof to hit a couple of baseballs.
7/17/03: Stephanie (in a cowgirl dress) announces the "CBS Mailbag" letters. / Act 5 Audience Pan: Stephanie sings "Happy Trails to You."
7/25/03: Stephanie (as a jockey, with horse) announces the "CBS Mailbag" letters, then takes the horse into an off-track betting place.
7/31/03: Stephanie (as a Canadian Mountie) announces the "CBS Mailbag" letters, then goes outside to help pedestrians across the street.
8/01/03: Stephanie (still dressed as a Mountie from the previous episode) presents the "Know Your Current Events" prizes
8/07/03: Stephanie (dressed as Little Bo Peep, with sheep Lili) presents the "CBS Mailbag" letters, then goes outside to wave at traffic, then takes a cab ride with the sheep.
8/25/03: Dave calls Stephanie to have her tell her story about being pecked on the ass by a barn owl.
8/28/03: Stephanie (dressed as a Scottish bagpipe player) presents the "CBS Mailbag" letters, then goes outside to bother people.
8/29/03: Stephanie (dressed in last night's Scottish bagpipe player outfit) presents the gift certificates for "Know Your Current Events" contestants.
9/01/03: Dave calls Stephanie. On tonight's agenda: 1. Dave asks if Stephanie has been getting any calls for him saying, "Screw you, duckface!"  2. Stephanie tells us about her weekend happening in the family barn in New Hampshire. At one point she climbed a ladder, and a raccoon crawled up her pants and bit her on the butt!
9/04/03: Stephanie, dressed as Batman, presents the "CBS Mailbag" letters, then goes outside to direct traffic and guide pedestrians across the street.
9/05/03: Stephanie, still dressed as Batman from the previous taping, distributes restaurant gift certificates to "Stump the Band" participants.
9/11/03: Stephanie, in a New York Yankees uniform, presents the "CBS Mailbag" letters after a short game of catch with Dave. — Last night's entire episode of the Tony Mendez Show: "Searching for Sharon Stone" (with Tony and Stephanie) is shown.
9/12/03: Stephanie, the newest New York Yankee, distributes the dinner gift certificates and CDs during tonight's "Know Your Current Events."
9/25/03: Stephanie, dressed as Peter Pan, distributes the dinner gift certificates for "Know Your Current Events" and "Know Your Dr. Phil 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom" contestants.
9/26/03: Stephanie, dressed as Peter Pan, is on wires so she can fly around the stage. Between flights, she presents the letters for "CBS Mailbag."
9/29/03: Dave calls Stephanie to set up her question for the Survivor loser. / Stephanie has no question, but tells a new story about being in the family barn when a prairie falcon flew up her pants and pecked her on the butt.
10/02/03: Stephanie (dressed as a USPS letter carrier) delivers the meats from Lobel's for "Know Your Cuts of Meat" contestants, and dinner certificates for "Know Your Actors Turned Politician" and "Know Your Current Events" contestants.
10/03/03: Stephanie (dressed as a USPS letter carrier) presents the "CBS Mailbag" letters.
10/06/03: Dave calls Stephanie to set up her Survivor loser question. / Dave again demonstrates his ability to talk to Stephanie on the desk phone without benefit of the handset. — outside cam to Hello Deli and Rupert to meet Survivor loser Lillian Morris / Rupert asks his hanky panky question. / Stephanie Birkitt passes on asking her monkey question in favor of telling a story. It went something like this: "Well, Dad and I were in the barn, cleaning up a little bit, and it was really hot. And I was climbing up the ladder, and I see something black flying around the corner of my eye, and the next thing I know, a wild, maniac crow flies up my pants and pecks me on the butt." Once again, Stephanie has fibbed. Dave asks to see Stephanie after the show.
10/09/03: Stephanie (dressed in lederhosen) presents the meat from Lobel's and dinner certificates to "Know Your Cuts of Meat" and "Know Your 2003 Boston Red Sox" contestants.
10/10/03: Stephanie (in lederhosen) presents the letters for "CBS Mailbag," and tosses a football with Dave throughout tonight's episode.

Now, we know that Dave likes to talk about lederhosen from time to time, but I didn't really know what the word meant, so I didn't know what to call Stephanie's outfit until I saw the word on alt.fan.letterman. Here's the definition: "Leather shorts, often with suspenders, worn by men and boys, especially in Bavaria. " German, from Middle High German lederhose: leder, leather (from Old High German ledar) + hose, trousers (from Old High German hosa; see (s)keu- in Indo-European roots). This definition was swiped from www.yourdictionary.com.

10/13/03: Dave calls Stephanie to set up her question for Survivor loser Burton Roberts. Stephanie passes on asking the survivor a question so she can tell us a little story: "So my dad and I were out cleaning the barn, and we were working really hard, and it was really hot, and I had to climb up the ladder, and I saw something out of the corner of my eye. And the next thing I know, a woodpecker climbs up my pants and pecks me on the butt." Stephanie goes on to announce that she had to have 100 stitches. Dave asks Stephanie if this is a true story, and she confesses that it isn't.
10/16/03: Stephanie, in a soccer uniform, distributes the prizes for another round of "Stump the Band."
10/17/03: Stephanie, in a soccer uniform, presents the letters for "CBS Mailbag." Before every letter, she blasts a soccer ball into the front row of the audience. On her last try, she goes for a drop kick. The ball makes it to the balcony, but a front row balcony dude fumbles the ball. It lands in the hands of an audience lady seated between two other front row dudes who previously caught balls.
10/27/03: Dave calls Stephanie to set up her question for the Survivor loser. / Dave makes Stephanie say "funky" in sentences about three times. / outside cam: to Hello Deli and Rupert to meet Survivor loser Trish Dunn / Rupert asks his hanky panky question. Paul asks Trish if she will participate in the New York Marathon. / Stephanie asks Rupert's hanky panky question. / Stephanie asks to tell a story, which she swears is totally new, and is nothing about the barn: "So my dad and I were cleaning out the barn. We were in New Hampshire, and it was really a lot of work, and we were really sweaty, and I was climbing up the ladder, and out of the corner of my eye I see something. The next thing I know, a crazed, maniac chicken that was foaming and growling flew up my pants and pecked me on the butt." When confronted by Dave, Stephanie admits that her story isn't true.
10/29/03: Stephanie (dressed as an elf) presents the "CBS Mailbag" letters. The CBSO plays "Heartbreak Hotel" because Paul claims he thought Stephanie was to be dressed as Elvis. Between letters, Dave gets Stephanie to dance around a little, and somehow persuades her to do a little elf voice.
10/30/03: In a bull fighter outfit, Stephanie distributes the dinner certificates and Late Show CDs to "Know Your Halloween Candy," "Know Your Liza Minnelli-David Guest Marriage" and "Know Your Current Events" contestants.
11/05/03: Stephanie, outfitted as a police officer, presents the "CBS Mailbag" letters. Dave gets her to draw her weapon and say, "Freeze. Grab some sky, punk."
11/10/03: Dave calls Stephanie to see how she's coming along using "funky," and to request an extra-good question for the Survivor loser. / outside cam: to Hello Deli and Rupert to meet Survivor loser Andrew Savage / Rupert asks his hanky panky question. / Paul asks why he was booted off. / Stephanie wonders whether Andrew saw or touched any monkeys.
11/12/03: Stephanie is suited up as the New York Giants' Tiki Barber to present tonight's letters for "CBS Mailbag." / Dave tosses a few passes to her.
11/17/03: Dave calls Stephanie to set up her Survivor loser question, and to ask if she had a happenin' weekend. — outside cam: to Hello Deli to meet Survivor loser Ryan Opray / Rupert asks if there was any hanky panky. / Paul asks if every other contestant was a bartender from Chicago. / Stephanie asks who will win, and wonders when Ryan first realized he was a loser.
11/19/03: Tonight Stephanie's dressed as Russell Crowe's character in Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World to present the "CBS Mailbag" letters. Dave persuades her to deliver some standard sailor phrases, including "Come about," "Ahoy there," and "Land ahoy!" Finally, he gets her to use her spy glass and announce, "The coast is clear."
11/26/03: After a week off, Stephanie (in a pilgrim outfit) presents the "CBS Mailbag" letters. Afterward, Stephanie comes onstage carrying a live turkey (which was delayed on the George Washington Bridge, Dave claims). Dave makes her kiss the turkey on its head. Stephanie is clearly not terribly pleased with the boss. Later in the program: a shot of Stephanie in the green room, with the turkey trying to fly around. At long last, she may actually get pecked on the butt by a crazed, maniac bird!
12/08/03: It's been a while, after a week of repeats. Dave calls Stephanie to set up her question for the Survivor loser. She says she's going to ask if Rupert is hotter on TV or in person. After due consideration, Dave vetoes the question and sends Stephanie back to the drawing board. / [outside cam: to Hello Deli and Rupert to meet non-survivor Christa Hastie. / Paul heard Dave mistakenly say she's been a race car driver, and asks Christa about playing the race card. / Stephanie's revised question is, "Was it worth it getting that stinky, now that you're just a loser?"
12/10/03: It's yet another edition of "CBS Mailbag." Tonight, in honor of the premiere of a new motion picture, Stephanie, carrying a gigantic sword, is outfitted as The Last Samurai, played on by the CBSO with the oldie "Kung Fu Fighting." Between letters three and four, Dave persuades her to do some sword work. "Nice job of not breaking a sweat," Dave mutters.
12/17/03: For tonight's "CBS Mailbag," Stephanie is in a Santa suit to present the letters, and with her is a little white reindeer. All begins well, but the inevitable occurs between letters two and three as the nervous reindeer takes the first of several dumps onstage. Later, instead of the usual audience pan between acts, is a shot of Stephanie. / Santa with the reindeer in the green room
1/07/04: After quite a long break, Stephanie's back in the saddle. It's another "CBS Mailbag," and she's outfitted as a Martian to present the letters. Between letters, Stephanie offers fun facts about Mars. (A NASA spacecraft landed on Mars the other day, and is sending the best-ever pictures to earth.) / Dave announces Stephanie's birthday, and models bring out a giant "Happy birthday, Tammi" cake. — no audience pan / instead: a shot of Stephanie, Kiva Kahl, Anna Jack and new Baseball Hall of Famers Paul Molitor and Dennis Eckersley enjoying birthday cake.
1/14/04: It's Wednesday, and time for "CBS Mailbag." Stephanie's in blue scrubs. She's outfitted as a heart surgeon today, in observance of the four-year anniversary of Dave's quintuple bypass surgery on Jan. 14, 2000. / Stephanie presents the letters and fun facts about hearts between each letter.
1/19/04: Dave calls Stephanie upstairs to discuss her weekend outing to a bad concert (and to make sure she's "gettin' it done.") / office cam: back to Stephanie (now on camera) who treats us to another performance of her ex-boyfriend's bad dancing. This was a semi-regular feature in episodes in 2002. — no Audience Pan / Stephanie and John McEnroe dancing — with credits: Stephanie, McEnroe and MacLeod dancing (John McEnroe was on hand to present a Top Ten list, and Gavin MacLeod was the guest of honor at another episode of "Potatoes or Gavin MacLeod?"
1/21/04: "CBS Mailbag" / Stephanie's suited up as one of the New York Knicks tonight. This isn't too pleasing for me, since my friend Lon Kruger got fired from the Knicks last week, but I digress. It seems that Stephanie played some high school basketball, and she still has her dribbling skills, so she gives us a little clinic. Maybe she can go to Los Angeles and play Craiggers on the roof some time.

2/04/04: "CBS Mailbag" / Stephanie has some kind of 18th century outfit on in honor of the New England Patriots' Superbowl XXXVIII win on Sunday. She offers some patriot facts between letters.
2/11/04: "CBS Mailbag" / The current movie Miracle, tells the story of the U. S. hockey team's victory over the Russians in 1980. Stephanie's all suited up as one of the players, and between letters she has fun facts about the big game. Dave's back to calling her Smitty tonight, and Monty wants no part of it. — There's no audience pan tonight. Instead, we're treated to a shot of Stephanie, Dan Aykroyd, Adam Sandler and his doggie in the green room. / There's a final shot of Stephanie the hockey star in the green room with the credits.
2/18/04: "CBS Mailbag" / Dale Earnhardt, Jr. won the Daytona 500 on Sunday, and Stephanie is suited up like him tonight in red and black to present the letters. You can even tell it's her once she takes off the helmet. / Dave continues to annoy her by calling her Smitty, and takes the fact that the front of her belt says Smitty as his excuse. — She tosses in a few Dale, Jr. facts between letters. — Stephanie entertains us all with a respectable delivery of "If you need hep, here I come," from Cold Mountain. — Before we close the Mailbag, Dave makes Stephanie do race car noises. We have a feeling she practiced them before the show.
2/23/04: It's been a while, but Stephanie (via short distance telephone hook-up) gets to ask booted Survivor All-Stars contestant Rob Cesternino if he saw or touched any monkeys. Yes: Peter Tork and Micky Dolenz (of the Monkees)!
2/25/04: "CBS Mailbag" / Stephanie's outfitted in all white as a dentist in observance of National Dental Hygiene Month. As it happens, her father is a dentist, and she offers fun dental facts between letters. For example: President George Washington's dentures were made from hippopotamus bones and elephant tusks. — Walt Disney had wooden teeth. — In 1966, a man in Belgium pulled a 266-ton train with his teeth. — Stephanie leaves us with a Spanish Gleem® slogan. — Throughout the proceedings, Dave makes Stephanie do the same pose (a foot thing) the New York Knicks City Dancers did earlier this week.
2/26/04: It's a surprise appearance tonight as the traditional audience pan is replaced with "Late Show Staffer Stephanie Birkitt on a Rock Wall." — Stephanie climbs to the top of a 26-foot-tall phony rock wall on 53rd St. and rings a bell.
3/02/04: Dave announces a new Late Show feature. We're having movie reviews, starting with Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights this evening. — He places a call upstairs to Stephanie, who tells us that this new film is about an American girl, Katie, who moves to Havana during the revolution. Katie meets and falls for a dirty dancing busboy. Now Tony Mendez kicks in his two cents. As any qualified Late Show viewer could predict, the segment ends with a Spanish rant from Tony.
3/03/04: "CBS Mailbag" / March is National Roadway Repair Month. Stephanie is outfitted in flame fluorescent orange, and is toting a STOP / SLOW sign. I know all about those. I flagged traffic in the summers while attending college. Sometimes the cows would come up by the road to admire my work. I'd moo and they'd look at me funny. Anyway, Stephanie comes out and for no apparent reason says, "Hey, Grandma, bite me!" Well, Mr. Letterman is horrified at her indiscretion. Why would she say such a thing? "Because you made me," Stephanie replies. (Dave admits to Paul after the segment that he suggested the whole thing, but thought Stephanie would chicken out.) — Besides presenting the letters, she tosses out a few fun facts about highway work.
3/05/04: It's more work for Stephanie this week because of Biff's arthroscopic knee thingy, as she stands in to distribute dinner certificates and Explod-O-Pop® popcorn to "Stump the Band" contestants.
3/17/04: It's "CBS Mailbag" on St. Patrick's Day. Stephanie's suited up as a leprechaun (and looks really cute). Dave gets stage manager Frank Comito to sneak up on her with a tissue, as he did to Dave during the jokes. — Dave asks Stephanie, "Now, on St. Patrick's Day, do you go out and get loaded on green beer and run around and cause trouble?" "Not any more," she replies. "Not any more. There was a time when you did that, right?" "Oh, yeah." "It was a lotta fun, huh?" "Oh yeah." "And do some of your friends still do that?" "Pretty much all of them." "Really? And how come you stopped? It was a bad experience?" "Kind of, yeah." "Really? And you can't tell us about it, probably?" "I just got really drunk and threw up all over the bar." — Two letters later, Dave brings up the topic again. "So you barfed all over the bar?" "It was just terrible." "Yeah. What had ya been drinkin'?" "Beer." "Lotta beer?" "I started out with sangria, and then I..." "Ooooh, well," Dave interrupts,"Well, I mean, that's, uh..." "and then I switched to beer," Stephanie explains. "Sangria and beer, and you threw up. That's odd. I can't imagine that happening." Dave does his very best barfing imitation, then inquires, "Uhhh, and then did you ask somebody for a mint and continue to drink?"
3/22/04: Dave calls Stephanie, who immediately shouts, "Hey, Grandpa, bite me!"  (See 3/03/04.)
3/24/04: For this week's "CBS Mailbag," Stephanie's dressed as a rodeo cowgirl or cowboy for the ceremonial presentation of the letters. Continuing her recent pattern of scandalous behavior, she no sooner arrives onstage than she inquires of Dave, "How's it hangin', jackass?" — After letter #1, she does that rope thing where it makes a circle. She was quite good at this. We wonder if she's been practicing on the roof. Stephanie also has some rodeo events for us to consider: saddle bronc riding, bull riding, steer wrestling and calf roping. Dave checks the script and reminds her that she forgot to mention monkey shaving. Let's all just take a moment and imagine what a shaved monkey might look like.
3/31/04: "CBS Mailbag" / Stephanie's outfitted as Mary Richards from the opening of The Mary Tyler Moore Show. She greets Dave with, "Thanks, Grandpa. Bite me!" We're not sure why she's been picking on Dave the past couple of weeks... probably because he made her. / We're saluting Minnesota tonight. The MTM show was supposedly set in Minneapolis. That would explain Monty's warm outfit. / Stephanie throws her hat into the air, as in the famous MTM scene. / freeze frame — Dave says this is her most happenin' look yet. — Stephanie does another hat toss after the Mailbag, then passes off the hat to Johnny Knoxville.
4/07/04: "CBS Mailbag" / Stephanie's a bit hard to recognize this week, as a coal miner with her helmet and a bit of a dirty face. She even has one of those headlights. We're saluting West Virginia tonight. — Stephanie has some fun facts about types of coal and coal production. After the ceremonial presentation of the letters, Dave makes her join the CBSO in a few verses from John Denver's "Take Me Home, Country Road." — She gets a standing ovation.
4/14/04: It's an extry-spayshul "CBS Mailbag," as Stephanie's suited up as a prospector, with a donkey in tow, to salute the state of Colorado. — Dave tries unsuccessfully to get Stephanie to give the donkey a smooch on the head. Eventually he comes over and does it himself. Stephanie comes equipped with some fun facts about Colorado and prospecting. — To conclude the Mailbag, the CBSO joins Stephanie in singing John Denver's "Rocky Mountain High." — Whoops! I'd already sent the update to the server when I learned that we're having an encore. — Amy Sedaris, Stephanie and the CBSO all sing "Rocky Mountain High." Billy the donkey was right there with them, but seemingly didn't sing. The word on alt.fan.letterman this afternoon was that Stephanie would present the letters upside down. Not on my TV, anyway.
4/28/04: Stephanie's outfitted as aviatrix Amelia Earhart, and is played onstage with "Home on the Range." That's because we're saluting Kansas tonight. (Your webmaster, DDY, grew up 13 miles north of Amelia's home town of Atchison, Kansas. This information was overlooked in tonight's program.) — Stephanie has a fun fact about Amelia between letters. — We're also treated to some propeller airplane sounds. Dave must have been in a generous mood. He didn't make Stephanie do anything embarrassing tonight.
5/05/04: It's Cinco de Mayo, which is a big deal in Mexico. They beat up on the French on that date. We've sort of adopted it in America, too, as yet another excuse to get drunk. Stephanie's decked out as a Mexican señorita, with a sombrero on her noggin. She's toting a piñata on a rope. — She'll be presenting the "CBS Mailbag" letters in Español tonight. — Of course it's Dave's job to annoy and embarrass Stephanie, so he makes her break open the piñata, which produces two pieces of gum. — Also, Monty has to say, "Hasta luega, you low ridin' punks!" because Dave thinks it sounds cool. — She finishes her duties by going to the roof of the marquee, where a mariachi band is playing. — Well, as with all our jobs, there are "other duties as assigned." / Monty's appointed as Kate Beckinsale's driving instructor on 53rd St.
5/12/04: For "CBS Mailbag," Stephanie's dressed as legendary nurse Florence Nightengale to observe International Nurses' Day. She offers a couple of fun facts, including, "Before Florence Nightengale became a nurse, most of the nurses were hookers and drunks. She cleaned the whole operation up!" — For the second straight week, Stephanie escapes having to do an embarrassing stunt.
5/14/04: The 4 A.M. Show: TV Boy arrives on a hoss, and turns over the reins to Stephanie.
5/19/04: It's a yellow Spandex® outfit and a bike for Stephanie for tonight's ceremonial presentation of the letters. "CBS Mailbag" is celebrating the state of Texas and Lance Armstrong. — We have a major development. Ms. Birkitt has a brand new annoying nickname: Gunther! — Gunther has a fun bicycle fact: In the US there is approximately 1 bicycle for each car. In China there are 250 bicycles for each car. Dave wonders, "How did you know that?" Mike McIntee says so. — fun fact: Texan Lance Armstrong has won five Tour de France races, and is going for six. — Stephanie goes outside to ride the bike. This is the first time she has ever ridden a bicycle in a city (with the exception of Washington, D. C.). Between each scene, we check in on Stephanie tearing up 53rd St. There is a bit of trouble later in the program, as we see her bicycle and carcass on the hood of a speeding taxicab.
5/26/04: Stephanie "Gunther" "Monty" Briquette is dressed as race driver Buddy Rice, the pole winner for Rahal Letterman Racing in the 88th Indianapolis 500. Stephanie will be at the race, but not before presenting tonight's "CBS Mailbag" letters. — fun fact from Stephanie: Buddy will be driving the Argent Mortgage / Pioneer Honda G-Force car. — Daddy makes Gunther do a race car sound, complete with Doppler shift.
5/27/04: It's a televised episode of The Tony Mendez Show. — The action begins with Stephanie and Tony engaged in quite a squabble. As they make up a bit, Stephanie lip syncs to "Total Eclipse of the Heart," supposedly accompanied by a rooftop orchestra. Seabiscuit also appears.
6/25/04: Stephanie (known tonight as Gunther) distributes dinner certificates, CDs, Explod-O-Pop® popcorn and meats from Lobel's to "Know Your Lawn Mowers," "Know Your Cuts of Meat" and "Know Your CBS Weathermen" contestants.
7/02/04: Gunther distributes dinner certificates, Late Show CDs and Explod-O-Pop® popcorn (which, by the way, is carbolicious) to "Stump the Band" contestants.
7/15/04: As we all know, it's been quite a dry spell of late, as Gunther is no longer doing the ceremonial presentation of the letters for "CBS Mailbag." Tonight she makes her triumphant return to show bidness. — Dave sets up tonight's adventure by noting that he's been rubbernecking when he drives by the Trapeze School of New York at Hudson River Park. — via satellite to TSNY, where we have a first visit with Stephanie and Frederique Jacquot, instructor. — Veteran weatherman Dave tosses in a quick weather report for Hudson River Park: 77° F, with winds at 13 MPH, gusting to 21 MPH. — After the usual campaign segments, Frederique does a backhand whip. — Then Stephanie's up 23 feet, and has a dual rope safety harness hitched up to her tummy, just in case. She's nervous. She's chalked up and ready, though. Her first trick is a knee hang, which turns out great. She feels a little weird afterward. (Wouldn't you, if you just joined the circus?) — After the Top Ten list, it's back to TSNY and Stephanie. (Paul has taken to calling her Gunther Toody, in reference to Gunther Toody, one of the two cops in Car 54, Where Are You? back in the early 60s. But I digress.) (Oh, by the way, Dave has added Kitty to his list of annoying nicknames, so write that down.) Anyway, the next trick is a knee hang with catch. That means she will end up swinging on the bar with her knees, and at just the right time, she'll extend her arms and the boy trapeze circus dude will catch her (and eventually drop her to the safety net). After three false starts, she lets her rip, and has her mid-air rendezvous with boy trapeze dude in a seemingly perfect catch. When Dave talked to her afterward, she seemed truly happy with the outcome, and I know all of us out here in TV Land were completely impressed. — Instead of the audience pan, we have repeat footage of Stephanie's circus heroics. This has to go down as just about the greatest Stephanie segment ever.
7/16/04: Stephanie (as Kitty tonight) delivers Late Show CDs and Explod-O-Pop® popcorn (America's only atomic popcorn, which is carbolicious, by the way) to "Audience Show and Tell" contestants.
7/23/04: Stephanie (as Kitty and Gunther tonight) delivers Late Show CDs, dinner certificates and Explod-O-Pop® popcorn (America's only exploding popcorn) to "Audience Show and Tell" (and impromptu "Stump the Band") contestants.
7/30/04: Stephanie (tonight as Monty) delivers Late Show CDs, dinner certificates and Explod-O-Pop® popcorn (America's only atomic popcorn) to "Know Your Low Carb Fast Food Options," "Know Your Current Events" and "Know Your Camp Ton-A-Wandah in Hendersonville, North Carolina" contestants.
8/06/04: Stephanie (tonight as Monty) distributes Late Show CDs, dinner certificates and Explod-O-Pop® (carbolicious and contaminated with flavor) popcorn to the two "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants who did not resort to violence.
8/27/04: Stephanie (tonight as Smitty and Smitts, in her 2002 Pants letter jacket) distributes Late Show CDs and carbolicious Explod-O-Pop® popcorn to "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants.
9/03/04: Stephanie (tonight as Monty, in her 2002 Pants letter jacket and a skirt) distributes Late Show CDs, carbolicious Explod-O-Pop® popcorn, dinner certificates and meats from Lobel's to "Know Your Current Events" participants.
9/10/04: We're not seeing much of Stephanie of late, unless we're catching the Tony Mendez Show on the Web. Tonight she presents Late Show CDs, dinner certificates and Explod-O-Pop® popcorn to "Stump the Band" contestants. I wonder if the graphics department is getting tired of producing those bogus popcorn boxes. Tons of people are landing on my Web sites after doing Google searches trying to buy that popcorn!
9/30/04: Stephanie, as Monty, helps with "Late Show Audience Show and Tell," presenting CDs, dinners and Explod-O-Pop® popcorn to participants. If you want to see her these days, catch the Tony Mendez Show.
10/07/04: Stephanie presents dinner certificates, CDs and Explod-O-Pop® to "Know Your Current Events" contestants.
10/14/04: Stephanie (tonight as Smitty and Kitty) presents dinner certificates, CDs and Explod-O-Pop® popcorn to "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants.
10/21/04: Stephanie (tonight as Vicki) has her weekly appearance, presenting dinner certificates, Explod-O-Pop® popcorn and Late Show CDs to "Stump the Band" participants.
11/04/04: Stephanie (as Vicki and Kitty) presents dinner certificates, Late Show CDs and carbolicious Explod-O-Pop® popcorn to "Know Your Current Events" participants.
11/11/04: Stephanie (as Vicki) presents dinner certificates, Late Show CDs and Explod-O-Pop® popcorn to "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants.
11/18/04: Stephanie (as Vicki) presents dinner certificates, Late Show CDs, Explod-O-Pop® popcorn and meats from Lobel's to "Know Your Cuts of Meat," "Know Your Current Events" and "Know Your Clinton Presidential Library" contestants.
12/02/04: Stephanie (as Vicki) presents dinner certificates, Late Show CDs, and Explod-O-Pop® popcorn to "Stump the Band" contestants.
12/16/04: Stephanie presents the usual fabulous merchandise to "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" contestants.
12/23/04: Stephanie, in an elf outfit with pointy shoes and yellow pants, presents dinner certificates, CDs and Explod-O-Pop® popcorn to "Know Your Department Store Return Policies" and "Know Your Harry & David Gift Baskets" contestants.
1/06/05: Stephanie presents Late Show CDs, Explod-O-Pop® popcorn and dinner certificates to "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants. — no Act 5 Audience Pan tonight / instead: We see Stephanie and the 6' 3" woman who recites alphabets backwards, outside shooting hoops.
1/13/05: Stephanie (tonight as Kitty and Vicki) presents Late Show CDs, Explod-O-Pop® popcorn and dinner certificates to "Know Your New York Jets," "Know Your Presidential Pets" and "Know Your Novelty Car Horns" participants.
1/20/05: Stephanie (tonight as Vicki) presents dinner certificates, Explod-O-Pop® popcorn and Late Show CDs to "Stump the Band" contestants.
2/03/05: Stephanie (tonight as Vicki) presents dinner certificates, Explod-O-Pop® popcorn and Late Show CDs to "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants. Dave has another pet name for her tonight, Mrs. Carney. She seemed upbeat tonight.
2/10/05: Stephanie (as Vicki and Mrs. Carney) presents dinner certificates, Explod-O-Pop® popcorn and Late Show CDs (as well as meats from Lobel's) to "Know Your Cuts of Meat," "Know Your Celebrity Fragrances" and "Know Your Nail Guns" participants.
2/17/05: Stephanie (as Vicki tonight) presents CDs, Explod-O-Pop® and dinner certificates to "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants.
2/24/05: Stephanie (as Vicki) presents CDs, Explod-O-Pop®, dinner certificates and meats from Lobel's to "Know Your Cuts of Meat," "Know Your Entries on Paris Hilton's T-Mobile Sidekick" and "Know Your Christo and Jeanne-Claude" participants.
3/03/05: Stephanie (as Vicki) presents dinner certificates, Explod-O-Pop® popcorn and Late Show CDs to "Stump the Band" participants. Dave catches her off guard by switching places for one participant. Dave is supposedly in charge of distributing the loot, while Vicki is in charge of small talk with the guests. Unfortunately, Dave is a major back seat driver during the proceedings, and we hardly hear from Vicki. It could have been really cool if they had worked through it in advance. Hosting a talk show is a bit of an acquired skill.
3/31/05: Stephanie (as Vicki) distributes dinner certificates, Late Show CDs and Explod-O-Pop® popcorn to "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants. Dave has Stephanie help with an Explod-O-Pop® ad. She runs circles around Rupert's attempt a couple of days ago. It went something like this:

DL: "Oh, hi, Vicki. Vicki, let me... let me ask you a question."
SB: "Yes, Mr. Carney?"
DL: "Why is it that people enjoy the taste of Explod-O-Pop® popcorn so much?"
SB: "Ha ha. Why, that's an easy one, Mr. Carney. It's contaminated with flavor, and it's carbolicious! Mmmmmmmm."
DL: "Thank you, Vicki."
SB: "Thank you, Mr. Carney."
DL: "You bet!"

Stephanie advertises Explod-O-Pop®.

4/14/05: "Stump the Band" (with songs by Will Lee and Al Chez) / Stephanie, as Vicki, distributes Explod-O-Pop®, Late Show CDs and dinner certificates to participants. Dave wonders why she calls him Mr. Carney these days. Stephanie explains that she's been calling everyone Mr. Carney since she hit her head in the tub.
4/28/05: Stephanie presents the usual fabulous merchandise to "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" contestants. Dave gives her a lot more air time than usual, including having her talk about the loot she's distributing.
5/05/05: Stephanie wishes happy Cinco de Mayo to mothers everywhere, and delivers Explod-O-Pop®, dinners and Late Show CDs to "Know Your Giant Piñata" and "Know Your American Idol" contestants. In observation of Cinco de Mayo, Stephanie says, "Hasta luego, you low riding punks."
5/12/05: Stephanie distributes dinner certificates, Explod-O-Pop® and Late Show CDs to "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants. She gives Dave a little pep talk about golf.
5/19/05: Stephanie has Explod-O-Pop®, Late Show CDs and dinner certificates for "Stump the Band" contestants. Dave lets her play, but she doesn't sing because the CBSO got her song right!
6/09/05: Stephanie, tonight as Vicki, has Explod-O-Pop®, Late Show CDs and dinner certificates for "Audience Show and Tell" contestants. She tries out some teen lingo (I guess that's what it was) on Dave.
6/16/05: Stephanie, tonight as Vicki, has Explod-O-Pop®, Late Show CDs and dinner certificates for "Know Your Current Events" contestants, plus meats from Lobel's. Dave lets Vicki play "Know Your Batman." She gives it a good try, but is the one contestant in recent history who Dave doesn't allow to cheat. Stephanie Vicki loses and draws the buzzer, then sprints out of the studio in shame... not to be seen again until next Thursday. This segment is available for download. See below.
6/23/05: Stephanie, once again as Vicki, has Explod-O-Pop®, Late Show CDs and dinner certificates for "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" contestants. Vicki hits Mr. Carney with the latest cool teen lingo. She then asks him to check her for ticks. When Dave doesn't immediately warm up to the idea, Vicki sprints out of the audience area, not to be seen again until the next "Tony Mendez Show."
6/30/05: Stephanie, as Vicki, delivers Explod-O-Pop®, Late Show CDs and dinner certificates for "Stump the Band" participants. She lingers after her duties to ask Mr. Carney if he likes kitties, and she reminds the North American viewing public that there is no I in team.
7/21/05: It's "Late Show Audience Show and Tell." / Stephanie, as Vicki, delivers the usual Explod-O-Pop®, dinner certificates and CDs, and seems to think we're in the Olympics this year. / She makes a funny about Lance Armstrong riding his bike on the moon on this anniversary week of Neil Armstrong's lunar excursion. "Good night, chumps," Vicki says.
7/28/05: For "Know Your Current Events," Stephanie, as Vicki, delivers the usual Explod-O-Pop®, dinner certificates and CDs, and takes the opportunity to suggest to Dave to have tonight's guest, Bill Murray, on the program. Dave and Vicki have a little discussion on Bill's filmography. When Dave points out that Caddybusters was actually not one of Bill's films, Vicki sprints out of the theater in shame.
8/04/05: For "Late Show Audience Show and Tell," Stephanie, as Vicki, delivers Explod-O-Pop®, dinner certificates and CDs, and gives Dave a hard time about his toupee. This encounter is available for download.

"Wow, Mr. Carney, that's some toupee!"

8/05/05: Stephanie puts away the omnivorous Late Show bear.
8/11/05: Stephanie, as Vicki, distributes Late Show CDs, dinner certificates and Explod-O-Pop®. Between contestants, she visits with Dave and tosses out her usual nonsense phrases, then admits she forgot to write a script for her bit tonight. To save the segment, she shows her new rolling backpack. Vicki demonstrates the telescoping handle, pulling it up and down a few times. When Dave smarts off and says, "Ohhh, that's nice... you can use that to fix flats," Vicki calls Dave a jackass and exits the theater.
9/01/05: For "Late Show Audience Show and Tell," Stephanie, as Vicki, has the usual CDs, dinners and Explod-O-Pop® for participants. — Later, she unloads a little teen lingo on Dave, asks him about his baboon heart transplant and treats us to a tune on a tiny harmonica, accompanied by the CBS Orchestra.
9/09/05: For "Know Your Cuts of Meat, " Stephanie, as Vicki, distributes Late Show CDs, Explod-O-Pop®, and meats from Lobel's, as well as stuff for "Know Your Tennis Babes" and "Know Your FEMA Director Michael Brown" / She tosses out some teen lingo and insults to Dave (tonight playing Mr. Crawford).
9/16/05: For "Late Show Audience Show and Tell," Stephanie, as Vicki, has the usual CDs, dinners and Explod-O-Pop® for participants. — She asks Dave (Mr. McIntyre) how the go's going. Then she wants Mr. McIntyre to pick up an extra large Peanut Cluster Parfait and a medium Cherry Dip at Dairy Queen® after rehearsal.
9/22/05: For "Stump the Band," Stephanie, as Vicki, has the usual CDs, dinners and Explod-O-Pop® for participants. — She annoys Dave (Mr. Cosby) with a series of questions about Mexican food and his alleged toupee.
10/06/05: During "Late Show Audience Show and Tell," Stephanie, as Vicki, has the usual CDs, dinners and Explod-O-Pop® for participants. — She asks Dave (as Mr. Carney) more of the teen lingo questions we've been getting for several weeks. She wants to know if Dave dances, if he likes rap music, etc., and mentions something about the final episode of Seinfeld.
10/13/05: Stephanie, as Vicki, distributes CDs, dinners and Explod-O-Pop® to Know Your Current Events participants. She's very much amused with Mr. Carney's toupee. Then she pesters Mr. Carney until he gives up and lets her play "Know Your Cuts of Meat." / Stephanie struggles terribly. Apparently she doesn't know the contestants are supposed to cheat. She guesses lamb cupcakes. Dave shows her a picture of a variety meat. Unable to recognize the hearts shown, a mortified Vicki sprints for the back exit.
10/20/05: Stephanie, as Vicki, takes over "Know Your Current Events." Completely ignoring the protests from Dave, she calls for the CBSO to open the CBS Mailbag, then amuses herself and the North American viewing public with "yo momma" jokes.
11/03/05: Stephanie, as Vicki, thinks she's at rehearsal. She wants to play "Stump the Band." Apparently Vickie never watches the program. She thinks she's supposed to stump the CBSO with a word problem. That doesn't fly, so she asks for "Kokomo."
11/10/05: Stephanie, as Vicki, distributes CDs, dinners and Explod-O-Pop® to "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants. She's all excited because she's going to Alaska to see her uncle. "Nome?" Dave asks. "Of course I know him," Vicki says, "He's my uncle!"
11/18/05: Stephanie Birkitt, as Vicki, distributes the usual merchandise to "Know Your Current Events" contestants. She tells Dave that her father was recently in the area, and he played cards with her aunt. "Poker?" Dave asks. "No, you sick bastard," Vicki exclaims.
12/02/05: Stephanie, as Vicki, distributes the usual loot to "Know Your Current Events" contestants. She engages Mr. Carney (Dave) in a conversation about the Thanksgiving holiday, and Dave mentions that he went to visit his elderly aunt in Maine. "Bangor?" Vicki asks. "Of course not," a shocked Mr. Carney exclaims, "She's my aunt, and she's ninety years old."
12/16/05: Stephanie, as Vicki, distributes the usual loot to "Know Your Current Events" contestants. She must have finals in law school this week. She didn't really have a speaking part.
12/23/05: Stephanie, as Vicki, distributes Explod-O-Pop®, dinner certificates and Regis and Trump's Christmas carol CD to "Audience Show and Tell" participants. She didn't have anything to say.
1/02/06: Stephanie gets to model Sue Hum's new cupcake costume. It was an idea that Dave had earlier today. Later in the program she reappears in the costume, also wearing 2006 glasses.
1/06/06: For "Know Your Current Events," Stephanie, as Vicki, distributes Explod-O-Pop® popcorn, dinner certificates and DVDs of American Pie: Band Camp to contestants. She also plays one round herself.
1/13/06: Long-winded participants of "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" left no time for any antics from Stephanie, who distributed Explod-O-Pop® popcorn, dinner certificates and Mountain Dew® Code Red.
2/03/06: It's another episode of "Stump the Band." Stephanie, as Vicki, delivers the contestants' Explod-O-Pop® popcorn, dinner certificates and brand new ball point pens.
2/10/06: Stephanie, as Vicki, distributes dinner certificates, Explod-O-Pop® and Pert® samples to "Know Your Current Events" participants.
2/17/06: Stephanie distributes dinner certificates, Explod-O-Pop® and Bounty®, the "quicker picker upper™" to "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants. She's about to depart for Torino, Italy, where she will file reports from the Winter Olympics next week.
2/20/06: Stephanie arrived in Torino, Italy last night. She'll report via satellite on Olympic stories throughout the week. In our first visit, we hear about her lousy jet trip and accommodations. Then we see a few minutes' worth of Stephanie dragging her luggage and struggling with the key to her residence.

2/21/06: live via satellite to Torino, Italy for "Stephanie at the Olympics" / Tonight we're treated to video of Stephanie demonstrating her rolling suitcase to disinterested citizens.
2/22/06: live via satellite to Torino, Italy, where Stephanie continues reporting from the Olympics... or at least as close as NBC will let her get. Today she's visiting with Ted Ligety, American gold medalist in Alpine Combined Skiing. The new friends toss back some vodka. Then Stephanie amuses herself by reading an Italian paper over the shoulder of a geezer. Finally, she engages some guys in a foot race.
2/23/06: live via satellite to Torino, Italy to visit with Stephanie / video of Stephanie's day in Torino
2/24/06: live to Torino, Italy for Stephanie's final report from the Olympics / She tells about a big wreck they were in earlier today. Then we're treated to "Stephanie's Exclusive Interview with Bode Miller." Yes, you guessed it. NBC would fix CBS but good if they interviewed an Olympic athlete. What we get is Stephanie trying to wake up a drunk who's passed out on a bar. / Now we meet the crew for the Italian segments: writer Tom Ruprecht, director/racing legend Hal Gurnee and Mateo, the camera guy.
3/03/06: Stephanie distributes dinner certificates, Explod-O-Pop® and Febreze® to "Stump the Band" contestants.
3/31/06: Stephanie distributes dinner certificates, Explod-O-Pop® and Turtle Wax® to "Know Your Current Events" contestants.
4/14/06: Stephanie distributes dinner certificates, Explod-O-Pop® and Crest® Whitestrips Classic to "Know Your Current Events" contestants.
4/28/06: Stephanie delivers Explod-O-Pop®, dinner certificates and emergency tire inflater to "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants.
5/05/06: Stephanie delivers Explod-O-Pop®, dinner certificates and Mr. Clean® to "Know Your Crate and Barrell® Patio Furniture," "Know Your Hybrid Cars" and "Know Your Cuts of Meat" participants.
5/12/06: Stephanie delivers Explod-O-Pop®, dinner certificates and NicoDerm® patches to "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants.
5/25/06: Stephanie delivers Explod-O-Pop®, dinner certificates and Glade® Plug-in Scented Oil to "Stump the Band" participants.
6/15/06: Stephanie, as Vicki, has Explod-O-Pop®, dinner certificates, meats from Lobel's and Strangers with Candy videos for "Know Your Current Events" participants.
6/23/06: Stephanie, in the 12th floor offices, repeats her impression of her college ex-boyfriend's strange approach to dancing.
7/27/06: Stephanie has dinner certificates, Explod-O-Pop® and Strangers with Candy DVDs for "Stump the Band" contestants.
8/21/06: Dave calls Stephanie early in the show, and later she comes down to play ball with Dave on 53rd Street.
9/20/06: Dave calls Stephanie to ask her about rehab. Stephanie, the law student, emphatically denies rehab. Anyway, Dave has Stephanie get Amanda McCall on the phone to tell a whopper of a story about Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
9/21/06: Stephanie has dinner certificates, Schick Quattro® razors and Explod-O-Pop® for "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" contestants.
9/29/06: Stephanie has dinner certificates (only) for "Know Your Current Events" contestants. Explod-O-Pop® is a thing of the past.
10/11/06: Stephanie has dinner certificates (only) for "Know Your Current Events" contestants.
11/09/06: Stephanie has dinner certificates and Strangers with Candy DVDs for "Know Your Current Events" contestants.
11/16/06: Stephanie has dinner certificates and Strangers with Candy DVDs for "Know Your Current Events" contestants.
12/19/06: Dave calls his office and Stephanie answers. Dave greets her with, "Hey, how are you doing, Underpants?" Then Stephanie hands the phone over to Amanda McCall.
2/01/07: Stephanie delivers meats from Lobel's® and dinner certificates to "Know Your Current Events" and "Know Your Academy Award Nominees" contestants.
2/08/07: Stephanie delivers meats from Lobel's® and dinner certificates to "Know Your Crazy NASA Astronauts" and "Know Your Cuts of Meat" contestants.
2/15/07: Stephanie delivers meats from Lobel's® and dinner certificates to "Know Your Current Events," "Know Your Cuts of Meat" and "Know Your Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show" contestants.
2/22/07: Stephanie presents dinner certificates to "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants.
2/23/07: Dave tells us that the Tony Mendez Show is the single-most popular thing on the Internet (other than pornography). He calls Stephanie Birkitt and Tony Mendez to the Siskel & Ebert seats for an update on the Tony Mendez Show, which can be seen on the Late Show's dubya dubya dubya. Tony didn't want Stephanie to take over for Dave on the TMS, but Dave made him. (Tony wanted Nanette Fabray.) They've been cranking out shows for about four years now. Tony claims to be very fond of Stephanie, but complains that she can be "careless and erratic." Stephanie counters that Tony is a diva. We're treated to a clip from last year on Dave's birthday, when Dave pounds Tony to within an inch of his life. / Dave surprises Tony and Stephanie with a brand new billboard at 53rd and Broadway, replacing Rupert's billboard. A video of their appearance can be downloaded below.

3/01/07: Stephanie presents dinner certificates to "Stump the Band" participants.
4/26/07: Stephanie, as Vicki, presents dinner certificates to "Know Your Current Events" and "Know Your Cuts of Meat" participants, plus the usual meats from Lobel's.
5/17/07: Stephanie, as Toby, presents dinner certificates to a "Know Your Bob Barker" participant and to an audience guy who sang with the CBSO instead of playing.
5/24/07: Stephanie, who Dave said got a B+ the other day in law school, delivers dinner certificates for "Stump the Band" participants.
6/14/07: Stephanie delivers dinner certificates for "Stump the Band" participants.
7/16/07: Dave calls upstairs to Stephanie, looking for Samantha. He wonders if she's enjoying her internship. A slightly irritated Stephanie informs Dave that she's been with the show for seven years. In doing so, he learns that Samantha's real name is Amanda (McCall). The writers have cooked up a ridiculous story about going to the Maury show recently. It seems she got into quite a nasty argument with him, which ended up with Maury getting tasered by some Air Force dudes.
8/30/07: Stephanie delivers dinner certificates for "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants.
2/07/08: Stephanie delivers dinner certificates for "Know Your Current Events" and "Know Your Cuts of Meat" participants, plus meats from Lobel's. With the strike (and probably a busy last year of law school), we haven't seen Stephanie in five months!!
2/14/08: Stephanie delivers dinner certificates for "Late Show Audience Show and Tell" participants. Dave's unable to persuade her to duplicate the previous show and tell. Audience member Andrea picked up a wine cork from the floor with her teeth, while balanced on one foot.
2/21/08: Stephanie delivers dinner certificates for "Know Your Athletes Accused of Taking Steroids" and Tainted Meat" participants.
6/04/08: Stephanie took her last test in law school today!
11/13/08: Stephanie appeared in the funniest Tony Mendez Show ever today, and we have it right here!


DOWNLOADS BY DATE

Stephanie asks survivor Vecepia Towery, "Did you see or touch any monkeys?" / 1.6 MB .mp3 / May 20, 2002

Stephanie interviews Tom Cruise. / 1.4 MB .mp3 / June 17, 2002

Stephanie, Dr. Lou Aronne and Rupert dance like her ex-boyfriend. / 18 MB QT 7 movie / September 24, 2002

Stephanie asks booted survivor Robert DeCanio, "Did you see or touch any monkeys?" / 4.0 MB .mp3 / May 13, 2003

Stephanie as Little Bo Peep for a "CBS Mailbag" / 22 MB QT 7 movie / August 7, 2003

Dave calls Stephanie to hear her Owl Story. / 2 MB .mp3 / August 25, 2003

Stephanie's St. Patrick's Day Drinking Stories / 1.4 MB .mp3 / March 17, 2004

Stephanie's ad for Explod-O-Pop® / 6 MB QT movie / March 31, 2005

"Hasta luego, you low riding punks!" (Stephanie in "Know Your Giant Piñata") / 4 MB QT movie / May 5, 2005

Stephanie plays "Know Your Batman." / 6 MB QT 7 movie / June 16, 2005

Stephanie quizzes Dave about his toupee. / 7 MB QT 7 movie / August 4, 2005

Stephanie interrupts "Stump the Band" to show her rolling backpack. / 4 MB QT 7 movie / August 11, 2005

Stephanie plays a tiny harmonica during "Audience Show and Tell." / 5 MB QT 7 movie / September 1, 2005

Stephanie hijacks "Know Your Current Events" and tells yo momma jokes. / 6 MB QT 7 movie / October 20, 2005

Stephanie at the Winter Olympics - Torino, Italy: arriving / 15 MB QT 7 movie / February 20, 2006

Stephanie at the Winter Olympics - Torino, Italy: rolling back / 12 MB QT 7 movie / February 21, 2006

Stephanie at the Winter Olympics - Torino, Italy: Ted Ligety / 15 MB QT 7 movie / February 22, 2006

Stephanie at the Winter Olympics - Torino, Italy: Hal Gurnee / 10 MB QT 7 movie / February 24, 2006

Stephanie dances like her ex-boyfriend / 11 MB QT 7 movie / June 23, 2006

Stephanie and Tony Mendez get a billboard on Broadway / 15 MB QT 7 movie / February 23, 2007

Stephanie in a hilarious Tony Mendez Show, "Tony's Mixed Messages" / 32 MB QT 7 movie / November 13, 2008

Videos are Apple® QuickTime (.mov). Download the free player for your OS.



LINKS

Internet Movie Database Message Board for Stephanie

Just Hanging out with Letterman  Manchester, New Hampshire Union Leader  3/21/04

Pop Candy's Top 100 2002  USA Today  12/18/02

The Late Show's Girl Friday Tells All

TV Tome Listing for Stephanie

Wake Forest article  9/22/03

Wikipedia entry for Stephanie