Pre-owned Episodes Scheduled to Air


11/26/09: REPEAT FROM 11/10/09 [3213]: The C.I.A. has a way to take care of Osama bin Laden. Dave calls for the clip run last night of Elizabeth Lambert, suspended University of New Mexico Lobos soccer player, pulling hair in a match with Brigham Young. She needs a Lobotomy, I think. / video (x2) ••• It's the 20th anniversary (this week, anyway) of the fall of the Berlin Wall. Mikhail Gorbachev's inspired by the memory of this, and today he's gone to work on the Great Wall of China. / Photoshop Special: Mikhail's in overalls and holding a sledge hammer, ready to tear up some wall. ••• soccer hair pulling (x1) ••• Bernie Madoff's stuff is being auctioned off (including his "Schwinndle" bicycle). / Bernie Madoff Countdown Clock (time remaining until Bernie Madoff is free): 149 years, 7 months, 14 days, 10 hours, 20 minutes, 08 seconds ••• Donald Trump is selling his private jet. / photo: We see a heavy jet with a big mop of hair over the cockpit. ••• Today's the 40th anniversary of Sesame Street. / "Memorable Moments in Sesame Street History" / video:
(peppy music)

(voice-over): "February 21st, 1977: Viewers are shocked and horrified after the chef in the Sesame Street cafeteria accidentally uses Kermit as an oven mitt. This has been 'Memorable Moments in Sesame Street History.' "

••• "Things More Fun Than Reading the Sarah Palin Memoir" / video:
(voice-over): "#22: Microwaving your head."

(video): clip of some idiot microwaving his head, which eventually 'splodes, by the way

(voice-over): "This has been 'Things More Fun Than Reading the Sarah Palin Memoir.' "

(This was a repeat of the October 14 episode of "Things More Fun Than Reading the Sarah Palin Memoir.")

••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• after commercial: Dave makes his way into the audience to present dinner for two at "21" to Jill Pugh and her husband, on their 44th anniversary. Jill also cashes in on an autograph while Dave's in the neighborhood. Back at the desk, Dave observes that Jill could have killed her husband on their honeymoon, and she'd have been out of jail 20 years ago! ••• Neil Jason is sitting in on guitar for Will Lee tonight. The Fab Faux must have a gig. ••• Remember Y2K? The new movie, 2012, is about the end of the world, as predicted by the Mayans. There are some misunderstandings. / "A Message from the Mayan People" / video:
(voice-over): "According to a forthcoming disaster movie, the Mayan calendar predicts the world will end in the year 2012. We here in the Mayan community wish to clarify that while we do believe the world will end in 2012, it won't be because of floods, earthquakes and meteors, but rather because of this."

(picture of a smiling Sarah Palin, with "PALIN 2012" under the photo)

(voice-over): "A message from the Mayan people."

••• Ten United States Marines take the stage to present the Top Ten Ways the Marines Are Celebrating Their 234th Anniversary. The presenters are:
  • Staff Sergeant Justino Vasquez
  • Sergeant Jin Lee
  • Sergeant Alana Pereira
  • Staff Sergeant Jonathan Garcia
  • Gunnery Sergeant Soukhi Forbes
  • Sergeant Helen Cardenas
  • Staff Sergeant Crystal Taylor
  • Sergeant Wesley Alexander
  • Sergeant Leandros Rubio
  • 2nd Lieutenant Kenneth Johnson
(I'm back in here a day later to tweak my spellings of the presenters' names, shamelessly copying Mike McIntee's homework.) ••• Jungle Jack Hanna ••• Act 5 Audience Pan: "Go green. Print out the Late Show only when necessary." ••• Shakira sings. ••• Shakira interview

11/27/09: REPEAT FROM 11/09/09 [3212]: monologue: Bernie Madoff Countdown Clock (time remaining until Bernie Madoff is free): 149 years, 7 months, 15 days, 10 hours, 21 minutes, 18 seconds ••• There's a rumor that beloved dictator Kim Jong-Il is ill. / video: Kim's FXd into a dance/exercise video for old ladies, and he's keeping up just fine. What a relief! Now back to our regular programming. ••• Elizabeth Lambert, University of New Mexico women's soccer player, has been suspended indefinitely after engaging in rough play, including dropping a BYU player backward to the ground by yanking her pony tail -- in the Lobos' 1-0 loss to BYU in the Mountain West Conference semifinals. / video:

(clips of the nasty Lambert punching, tackling and hair-pulling "her" opponent)

(voice-over): "This display of rough action and hair pulling has called sports fans across the nation to stand up and say, 'Hey, maybe I need to start watching women's soccer.' Women's soccer: Oh, yeah!"

••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: Dave wants to talk about an imaginary Ford vehicle, the Wazoo. It has no gas cap, so when you fill up, your hands don't smell like gas. Well, our friend Dave, who has his own racing company, likes gas. ••• desk chat: It was Harry's sixth birthday on November 3. The family had recently visited the Norwalk Aquarium in Norwalk, Connecticut, where Harry became interested in toads, and that's what he wanted for his birthday. Harry got a great big aquarium for his birthday. Unfortunately, the toads burrowed under a thing. As Dave reports, "It's just exactly like not having toads." The critters haven't been spotted in a week. When Dave suggests to Harry that the toads checked into a hotel, Harry admonished him, "Don't make jokes about my pets." ••• desk chat: Tomorrow night, Paul will be at the 92nd Street Y promoting his book, We'll Be Here For the Rest of Our Lives: A Swingin' Show-biz Saga. Glenn Close will be interviewing him! ••• roof cam (for something spectacular and pointless): Pat Farmer's up there with Wes, Pete, Les and Eddie... and 250 rotten pumpkins (750 pounds). They're ready for delivery to the sidewalk beside 53rd Street. ••• Top Ten Surprises in the Health Care Bill / interruption: another look at the nasty, hair-pulling UNM soccer player / more TTL ••• [Weather Report: 64° F, 54% humidity, barometer 30.34" (steady), wind SW at 9 MPH and visibility: 8 miles] ••• It's time to drop the pumpkins on the 53rd Street side of the theater. Splat! (well, except for one of 'em) / replays ••• Our old friend, Bill Murray, plugs Fantastic Mr. Fox. It's fall, and he misses the smell of burning leaves, by the way. Moments later, a large supply of dry leaves drops on the desk and platform. The Late Show's prepared for every contingency. Bill and Dave step over to the electric leaf blower dispenser, pick up two units and tidy up the area. (Perhaps rearranging would be a better description than tidying up.) ••• Act 5: pumpkin drop replays from various cameras ••• more Bill Murray ••• Gabourey "Gabby" Sidike plugs Precious.

11/30/09: REPEAT FROM 10/29/09 [3205]: monologue: Dave worries about bobbing for apples as a sure way to get swine flu. Dick Cheney prefers to call it appleboarding. / Paul Shaffer with Bach's "Toccata and Fugue in D Minor," and the blood-curdling scream by Will Lee ••• The Yankees and Phillies are beginning the World Series. Wind was a big problem last night. / video: The Yankees' CC Sabathia is on the mound. The Phillies' Shane Victorino is at bat. We hear a violent wind and in a flash, Victorino is blown plumb out of the stadium! ••• A Northwest Airlines flight overshot Minneapolis on October 21 when the pilots were asleep or whatever. The airline is trying to rebuild their image. / video:

(clip of an airborne Northwest Airlines jet, crusing above the clouds)

(voice-over): "Northwest Airlines wants to regain your trust. That's why we've introduced the Passenger Bill of Rights. Number 1: If our napping pilots overshoot your airport by 300 miles, we'll pay for your connecting flight... no questions asked. Number 2: When our pilots are snoring, we'll provide you with complimentary headphones. And, most importantly, our pilots have agreed to switch to light beer while the plane is in flight. Northwest Airlines: When you don't absolutely have to be there."

••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: Dave continues to campaign to book Sarah Palin for the Late Show. Tonight he shows a large bowl of moose jerky... sure to lure in the former governor. ••• Chad Ochocinco presents the Top Ten Revelations in Chad Ochocinco's Autobiography. ••• after commercial: Audience members are enjoying moose jerky. ••• Tom Hanks ••• Act 5 Audience Pan: "Join us tomorrow..." ••• more Tom Hanks ••• Weezer sing.

12/01/09: REPEAT FROM 11/02/09 [3207]: monologue: It's the creepy Dick Cheney portrait again... the one with the eyes that move. / Paul Shaffer with Bach's "Toccata and Fugue in D Minor," and the blood-curdling scream by Will Lee (who really delivered tonight) ••• new segment: "A Message from Rush Limbaugh" / video:

(cue peppy intro music)

(Mr. Limbaugh): "I'm a / pompous / astronomically high / windbag..." (a "Late Show Unfair Edit")

••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: Dave found a stray doggie over the weekend. The dog had one of those ID chips, which a vet found to be blank. They fed the dog a hot dog and some roast beef. Apparently the critter is a Chihuahua, and its name is Hugo Chavez. ••• 2009 New York City Marathon winner Meb Keflezighi presents the Top Ten Thoughts That Go Through Your Mind When Running the New York City Marathon. ••• Julia Louis-Dreyfus plugs The New Adventures of Old Christine. ••• Act 5 Audience Pan: "Join us again tomorrow..." and "Temperature Savings Time begins tonight." ••• Guy Fieri ••• Carrie Underwood sings. ••• with short credits: a photo of Harry Letterman with Hugo Chavez


Harry and Hugo

12/02/09: REPEAT FROM 11/12/09 [3215]: It's Sammy Sosa's 41st birthday today. / animation: Sammy Sosa's face changes colors like the autumn leaves. ••• Former astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak drove cross country in a diaper to confront another female astronaut who shared a love interest. That's not important. It's just an excellent excuse to run the clip of Elizabeth Lambert, University of New Mexico women's soccer player, suspended for dropping a BYU player backward to the ground by yanking her pony tail in the Mountain West Conference semifinals. / video ••• monologue: more of Dave's Balloon Boy impression ••• The Rockefeller Plaza Christmas tree came in today, but there was trouble. / video: We see Al Roker of Today covering the event. Al is promptly squished by the falling tree. Personally, I never tire of mayhem and violence on the Late Show. It's all in good fun! ••• Barack Obama is leaving for Asia tomorrow. He's been getting lots of advice. / video:

(clip of the President giving an address)

(voice-over): "President Obama's visit to China will require skillful diplomacy. Human rights should not be ignored, yet cooperation on economic issues is vitally important. Above all, remember: the large wooden doors don't open."

(clip of George W. Bush in Beijing, unable to get through locked double doors)

(voice-over): "A message from George W. Bush. The Good Hands People."

••• "Things More Fun Than Reading the Sarah Palin Memoir" / video:
(voice-over): "#24: Exposure to high-frequency sound waves."

(video): A gentleman in a suit is exposed to high-frequency sound waves. He bounces around, showing considerable discomfort, and then his head 'splodes.

(voice-over): "This has been 'Things More Fun Than Reading the Sarah Palin Memoir.' "

••• "Kid Scientists" 1. Heather Bonga explains chemical luminescence. 2. Youcef Hadjarab demonstrates non-Newtonian fluids, which have different viscosity depending on how they are moved. We play with oobleck (corn starch and water) as an example. 3. Shruti Baxi demonstrates explosive dust. ••• after commercial: Dave thanks Lee Marek of Naperville, Illinois, who has been bringing kid scientists to his show since the 1980s. ••• Amanda Peet plugs 2012, and reflects on parenting techniques with Dave. ••• Act 5 Audience Pan: "Be sure to catch tomorrow's Late Show..." ••• Receptionist Art Kelly appears once again as Coach Mike Singletary of the San Francisco 49ers. ••• The Cribs sing.

12/03/09: REPEAT FROM 10/14/09 [3199]: Bernie Madoff is back in the news after his prison dust-up two days ago. / Bernie Madoff Countdown Clock (time remaining until Bernie Madoff is free): 149 years, 8 months, 14 days, 10 hours, 23 minutes, 05 seconds ••• What was it... a couple of years ago... when Martha Stewart also was in a prison fight? It seems that someone swiped her nutmeg, and that was the last straw. We're fortunate enough to have some footage of Martha's prison fight. / video: All the felons seem to be in peach-colored mini jumpsuits, and have nicer legs than one might expect. ••• The Obamas are busy changing out some art work in the White House. The first item that needed to go was the creepy official portrait of Dick Cheney. You know... the one with his eyes constantly moving back and forth. / Yes, it's time for tonight's performance of Paul Shaffer with Bach's "Toccata and Fugue in D Minor," and the blood-curdling scream by Will Lee. ••• Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize last week, but he wasn't put on the World's Hottest Leaders list. / photo: Kim Jong-Il's in a swimming suit, looking quite fit. Photoshop™ strikes again! ••• Remember that publicity stunt last year, when Chesley Sullenberger landed an Airbus A320 in the Hudson River? Naturally he's written a book about it, and what better place for his book signing than right in the middle of the Hudson River? / animation: Sully's in the water, behind a floating wooden desk that's piled with books. ••• "Things More Fun Than Reading the Sarah Palin Memoir" / video:

(voice-over): "#22: Microwaving your head."

(clip of some idiot microwaving his head, which eventually 'splodes, by the way)

(voice-over): "This has been 'Things More Fun Than Reading the Sarah Palin Memoir.' "

••• "COOL / NOT COOL" / video: Barack Obama is seen dancing with a lovely lady. Then we see the clip of George W. Bush dancing with African natives. ••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights (and a special hello to all rodeo clowns watching tonight) ••• Dave shows Paul's new book, We'll Be Here For the Rest of Our Lives: A Swingin' Show-biz Saga. ••• An added bonus tonight is an excerpt from the book. / video:
(photo of the book, with violins playing in the background)

(voice-over): "Page two hundred twelve: One thing people may not know about Dave, he's just as funny off the air."

(clip of Dave and Paul in an elevator at the Ed, with Dave being weird)

(voice-over): "This has been an excerpt from Paul Shaffer's We'll Be Here For the Rest of Our Lives."

••• desk chat: Dave does his famous elk impression. They're in rut. (I've always been amused that Dave's elk impression is just the same as his loon impression. You can hear them both, from 2005, in my Audio Archives.) ••• Top Ten Signs Your Toddler Watches Too Much Television ••• Tina Fey plugs 30 Rock. ••• Christopher "Mad Dog" Russo ••• Act 5 Audience Pan: "Join us again tomorrow as Dave welcomes Don Rickles." ••• more Chris Russo ••• Mika sing.

12/04/09: REPEAT FROM

11/03/09 [3208]: NASA plans to irradiate monkeys to study the effects of long-term space travel, such as Mars missions, but undesirable things could happen. / video: It's one of Shecky's clips of Governor Schwarzenegger (from his early actor years, seemingly enjoying a reefer). ••• 60 Minutes did a report on the availability of H1N1 flu vaccine on Sunday. / video:

(voice-over): "These are the first pictures of H1N1 vaccine being produced in a sprawling, $250,000,000 facility in Swiftwater, Pennsylvania."

(production line clips)

(clip of a forklift backing into a huge shelving assembly, causing a disastrous collapse of the entire facility)

(voice-over): "This is H1N1 vaccine, stacked high and on its way out of the Sanofi Pasteur plant. Production is accelerated, but that doesn't mean that vaccine is getting to patients quickly."

(clip): the 60 Minutes stopwatch

••• The World Series is coming back to New York City. / "Get to Know the Phillie Phanatic" / video:
(voice-over): "The Phillie Phanatic debuted on April 25th, 1978. In 2005, he was inducted into the mascot hall of fame. And, on June 29th, 2009, the Phillie Phanatic was convicted of running a multimillion-dollar Ponzi scheme, which wiped out the life savings of hundreds of civilians. The Phanatic is currently being held at the Federal Correctional Complex in Butner, North Carolina, and will likely die in prison. This has been 'Get to Know the Phillie Phanatic.' "
••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• out of commercial: Dave's at the back of the audience to make a delivery to Duane from Saskatoon. Dave has an empty envelope marked for World Series tickets, and a couple of game seven tickets in his coat pocket. Good luck on needing them, Duane. ••• desk chat: Dave wishes happy sixth birthday to Harry J. Letterman. He was about 9 pounds, 13 ounces, and about 22 inches. We see the first picture taken of Harry that night, and then a picture taken of him on Sunday with his new doggie, Hugo Chavez. ••• Michael Bublé presents (sings) the Top Ten Least Popular Musical Standards (songs). ••• Al Gore visits with Dave about the climate. ••• Brad Paisley sings.

This show log is © David Yoder.
All rights reserved.