Paul Sings the Blues

Cape Toters



June 7, 2002David Letterman
June 14, 2002David Letterman
July 12, 2002Nathan Lane
July 19, 2002Ted Koppel
July 26, 2002Donald Trump
August 2, 2002Gov. George Pataki
August 30, 2002John Goodman
September 6, 2002David Letterman
September 13, 2002Stephanie Birkitt
September 27, 2002Justin Timberlake
October 4, 2002Jimmy Fallon
October 11, 2002Nancy Agostini
October 18, 2002Jude Brennan
November 1, 2002Tom Cavanagh
November 8, 2002Hal Gurnee
November 15, 2002Chris Elliott
November 22, 2002Jack Black
November 29, 2002Andrea Sande and Nadine Hennelly
December 13, 2002Dan Patrick of ESPN
December 19, 2002Susan Hum  (creator of the cape)
December 27, 2002Kiva Kahl
January 10, 2003John McEnroe
January 17, 2003Bill Murray
January 24, 2003Michele O'Callaghan
February 7, 2003James Brown
February 14, 2003Stephanie Birkitt
February 21, 2003Solomon Burke
April 4, 2003Kevin Spacey
April 17, 2003Rudy Giuliani
May 2, 2003the lovely Don Rickles
May 16, 2003Johnny Knoxville
May 23, 2003Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
June 5, 2003Kiva Kahl (Grinder Girl) and Anna Jack (Hula Hoop Girl)
June 12, 2003Whoopi Goldberg
June 19, 2003James Earl Jones
June 26, 2003Heidi Klum
July 18, 2003Jerry Foley
July 25, 2003Marv Albert
August 1, 2003Joan Rivers
August 8, 2003Amy Sedaris
August 29, 2003Jane Pauley
September 12, 2003Tiki Barber of the New York Giants
September 26, 2003Isabella Rossellini
October 3, 2003Rob Lowe
October 17, 2003Wolf Blitzer
October 31, 2003Rosie Perez
November 7, 2003Tim Robbins
November 14, 2003Al Franken
November 21, 2003John Malkovich
November 28, 2003George Stephanopolous
December 12, 2003Greg Kinnear
December 19, 2003Jerry Springer
January 9, 2004Cyndi Lauper
January 16, 2004Meredith Vieira
January 23, 2004Mayor Michael Bloomberg
February 6, 2004Richard Belzer
February 13, 2004Rob Schneider
February 20, 2004Maura Tierney
February 27, 2004Lou Reed
March 5, 2004Moby
April 2, 2004Harry Smith
April 16, 2004James Lipton
April 30, 2004Tina Fey
May 7, 2004Gerard Mulligan (in a dress)
May 14, 2004Flash Dancers doorman / done on the street
May 21, 2004Colin Quinn
May 28, 2004Vinny Favale (CBS Vice-President of Late Night Programming, East Coast)
June 11, 2004Paul Anka
On this June 11, Dave announces that this is the second anniversary of the Cape Thing, and it's been done 65 times,* with television stars, sports heroes, musicians, politicians, and -- when they couldn't get anybody famous -- members of the staff. In honor of the anniversary, Paul Anka (who wrote "My Way" for Frank Sinatra) does a reworked version of the song, calling for an end to the bit.

* Actually, it was 68 times.


Paul Anka's tribute song goes something like this:

My friend,
let's not pretend,
let's call an end
to something shoddy.

You'd shout, "Roll tape,"
and stars would drape,
that crappy cape
on Shaffer's body.

But to attract
and it's a fact
that that's James Brown's act,
you brought those big stars
and shame them.

You fed them bunk
You got 'em drunk
Now, I'm gonna name them.

The Donald came
he lent his name
to this dumb game
yes, he'd apprenticed.

And Heidi Klum
lit up the room,
her smile would bloom
and thrill her dentist.

And Nathan Lane
would act insane,
Bill Murray smirked
and Tina Fey showed.

James Lipton sneered
and Whoopi cheered
who knows why they showed.

Jack Black
had joined the pack
and George Pataki
said "Abuse me."

Abdul Jabbar,
NBA star,
said "It's bizarre,"
but you can use me.

Ted Koppel came
and ruined his name,
those stars all showed
that they were givers.

In every case,
they showed their true face
except... Joan Rivers.

This has to stop,
haven't you learned?

Dave, have that schmata
cleaned and burned.

Paul is a proud Canadian.

Don't make him do that schtick again.

If I were Paul
I'd say "That's all"
and do it
my, my way!

The cape is hoisted to the rafters. Andrea Sande and ? bring flowers to Paul Anka.


Paul's Cape Thing number is "I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know" by Al Kooper, and performed by Blood, Sweat and Tears ("Child Is Father to the Man," 1971). It was recorded in December 1967 and released in early 1968.

If I ever leave you
You can say I told you so
And if I ever hurt you babe
You know I hurt myself as well

Chorus: Is that any way for a man to carry on
d'you think he wants his little loved one gone?
I love you Baby, more than you'll ever know
More than you'll ever know

When I wasn't makin' too much money
You know where my paycheck went
You know I brought it home to baby
And I never spent one red cent

(Chorus)

I'm not tryin' to be
Any kind of man
I'm tryin' to be somebody
You can love, trust, and understand
I know that I can be, yeah yeah
A part of you that no one else could see
I just gotta hear, tohear you say
It's all right
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

I'm only flesh and blood
But I can be anything that you demand
I could president of General Motors baby, heh
Or just a tiny little grain of sand

(Chorus)

(Guitar Solo)
(Sax Solo)

If I ever leave you
You can say I told you so
And if I ever hurt you baby
You know I hurt myself as well

(Chorus)

I love you, I love you, I love you baby!
Well all right!
I told ya, so many times before
I love you
I love you!
If you don't know, then I'll tell ya one more time
I love you!
I love you!