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1/01/10: REPEAT FROM 12/07/09  1/04/10 [3238]: monologue: Dave has three resolutions for the new year:
1/05/10 [3239]: It's a very cold week in the USA. / Photoshop fun: All four dudes of Mount Rushmore are wearing fur winter hats with earflaps. ••• Rod Blagojevich is going to be on Donald Trump's The Apprentice. / animation: The hair of both gentlemen is alive and growling at the other. ••• We're now learning that a third person besides Michaele and Tareq Salahi crashed the White House state dinner on November 24, 2009. / surveillance video: It's the famous clip of David Hasselhof, drunk on the floor. ••• Barack Obama has appointed a transgender person, Amanda Simpson, to the Commerce Department. / interruption: Alan Kalter hollers, "What? Amanda? Amanda used to be a dude? Oh, my God! Oh, my God!"••• The U.S. Department of Homeland Security has produced a strange public service announcement in the aftermath of the Nigerian terrorist underpants bomber incident on Christmas day. / video: (clip of New Year's Eve celebration)••• There's a new movie about vampires, and Dave can't get enough of this stuff. / video: (black screen)••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: Dave's stewing about his overeating (like a rabid wolverine, to be exact). He may have a point. For example, he weighed 185 pounds on December 1. The scrim rises to reveal the George Clarke scale with a large, digital display. Dave moseys on over and checks his weight. The numbers stabilize to reveal Dave's early January weight of 365.3 pounds. This is near an all-time high for our host. ••• Top Ten Signs You're Already Having a Bad Year: #10: Your underpants keep exploding. #8: You're the nurse who had to give Rush Limbaugh a sponge bath. #5: Started the year with ten fingers, now not so much. #3. Still afraid to come out of your Y2K bunker. #2. You've spent all of 2010 locked in Mike Leach's shed. #1. You're here, aren't you? ••• Amy Adams plugs Leap Year. ••• "Late Show Technical Minute" (with Erik, Gary Mintz and Mike) / ••• Act 5 Audience Pan: "Don't miss tomorrow's Late Show..." ••• Zachary Levi plugs Chuck. True Confessions: I swiped the Technical Maintenance term SpectraMatte keying from the Wahoo Gazette. I couldn't understand what Erik was saying. I got the rest of the jargon just like the writers did, from the Symphony Nitris DX4 Web page! Since I use Final Cut Pro to make the videos on this site, I actually understood some of what they were saying. Note: The Human Rights Campaign -- the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization -- demanded a public apology on Jan. 6 for Alan's little skit. I'm not holding my breath until they get it. 1/06/10 [3240]: monologue: There was a big summit meeting in Washington, with President Obama and his top advisers. / photo: We see Leon Panetta (CIA), Dennis Blair (National Intelligence), Robert Gates (Defense) and Mark Harmon (NCIS Special Agent). ••• monologue: We had the Nigerian terrorist with exploding underpants on Christmas day. Barack Obama says it was a screw-up. Now there are new security regulations. / video: (clip of an airport security area)••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• There was a report of gunplay in the Washington Wizards locker room, but it turns out it was just a joke. Still, there is a bigger problem. / video: (game clip): Somebody shoots a basketball about to score on a free throw. (I couldn't tell what game it was, as there was school closing text all over the picture.)••• Top Ten Signs You're at a Bad Airport ••• desk chat: Dave has a fun new gag. He mimics working a car jack, and Dave Dorsett eases his camera up. ••• Sigourney Weaver plugs Avatar. ••• Marv Albert interview ••• Act 5 Audience Pan: "Be sure to catch tomorrow's Late Show." ••• Albert Achievement Awards ••• Julian Casablancas sings. 1/07/10 [3241]: monologue: impressions of Elvis as Longhorns quarterback Colt McCoy ••• There was a meeting at the White House to discuss recent security issues such as the underpants bomber. / video: (clip of the president)••• "Late Show Word of the Week" / video: About 15 anchors and commentators say "underpants." Among those seen are Steve Doocy, Julie Banderas, Glenn Beck and Derek Burleson. ••• desk chat: Dave's annoyed with flying because of the security checks he's endured. / video: Our host's at an airport having a full-body scan. Two female TSA employees are simultaneously giggling and disgusted. Kim Reynolds, Assistant to the Director, plays one of the guards. ••• Homer Simpson presents the Top Ten Things I've Learned from the Last 20 Years of Television. ••• Bradley Cooper plugs The Hangover on DVD. ••• interruption: Tony Mendez would like a moment of air time to send his birthday wishes to his Aunt Peg, who's 85. Dave agrees, but what he says seems more like a paid promo for George Lopez than something for his aunt. When Dave calls him on it, Tony does one of his rants and storms off the stage. ••• Rachel Maddow plugs The Rachel Maddow Show. ••• Nick Jonas and the Administration sing. 1/08/10 [3242]: monologue: Dave has a slight mishap with a joke. We go back to the previous cue card to fix it. All is well. ••• Some buses in New York City are now equipped with a bulletproof compartment for the driver. Everyone seems worried about security these days. / Photoshop fun: The Statue of Liberty is now in a transparent, bulletproof box. ••• Government agencies are trying to tighten up aviation security. Meanwhile, commercial entities are trying to cash in on the problems. / Homeland Security video: (voice-over): "Due to recent incidents, additional security procedures are being implemented. Effective immediately, there will be a mandatory ten-day waiting period and a complete background check for anyone wishing to buy Hanes® underpants."••• The Russians are planning to send a monkey to Mars. It's a three-year round trip, including the wait for the planets to align for the return trip. / CNN video: (voice-over): "News from the world of science: The Russian Space Agency has announced plans to send a monkey to explore Mars. Details of the mission are shrouded in secrecy. A Cosmonaut Academy representative would only tell us this."••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: Dave wants to talk about the recent firing of Texas Tech coach Mike Leach for making Adam James (not named by Dave) chill in a room or shed by himself. Coach Leach gets himself fired over it, and can't figure out why, because the shed or whatever is near the ice machine! ••• Dave does his new "camera jack" trick again. He pretends the desk microphone is a car jack handle, and if he works it just right, Dave Dorsett's camera raises accordingly. He makes quite a production of it this time, and Teri Hatcher will make several references to the stunt in a little while. / shot of the legendary Dave Dorsett ••• Top Ten Signs Regis 1/11/10 [3243]: monologue: "Ladies and gentlemen, once again I did not get the Tonight Show." ••• interruption: "A Message from NBC News" / video: (NBC peacock logo)••• interruption: Dave wonders if Tony Mendez has shuffled the cue cards. ••• Dave favors us with one of the bird calls he does with his hands. It's been a while. ••• monologue: Dave runs down the chain of events involving late night at NBC. There is chaos over there. Here's a live feed from the network. (shot of Don King and Charles Grodin, sitting behind a folding table that resembles Dave's desk)••• "Arnold Schwarzenegger: Everything's Fine" / video: (Arnold): "We need to move the state forward, and bring in both of the parties together, and to get our infrastructure - the water infrastructure - bill passed."••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights and, "Did you know that Jennifer Connelly ignores all my calls and e-mails? Puzzling!" ••• desk chat: Dave runs through the circumstances to led to his getting Late Night, and eventually, Jay "Big Jaw" Leno getting the Tonight Show in preference to him. Now Dave claims that NBC has just called him to bring his monkey circus to NBC! ••• Top Ten Signs There's Trouble at NBC ••• Carson Daly bumper (after Dave claims to not know who he is) ••• Jennifer Connelly plugs Creation. ••• Act 5 Audience Pan: "Be sure to catch tomorrow's Late Show." ••• Paul Teutul, Sr. ••• Ryan Bingham sings. 1/12/10 [3244]: interruption: We hear an unfamiliar sound. It's Gene Szymanski operating a floor polisher, totally upstaging Dave. (Dave): "Gene. Gene, we're right in the middle of a show."••• monologue: NBC is shaking up their evening and late night line-up. They're scrambling to find a replacement show. / video: (graphic): Law & Order logo••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: Dave wants to organize and focus his thoughts about the "debacle" at NBC, with Leno being moved out of prime time, bumping Conan from 10:35, prompting Conan to leave NBC, as announced today. Gaines and Paul help Dave with some of the facts about the NBC days. Dave has a 5¾-minute discourse, taking great joy in referring to his competitor as Jay "Big Jaw" Leno. He goes on and on, and it's priceless. I don't know when I've seen Dave so happy! Also, we get the rare treat of hearing Dave's Leno impression. ••• Carson Daly bumper ••• after commercial: It's more desk chat about the NBC debacle. Dave quotes Martin Mull's observation, "Show business is high school with money." "This thing could go to the Supreme Court," Dave says. ••• Top Ten Highlights of Sarah Palin's First Day at Fox News ••• Whoopi Goldberg plugs The View. ••• It's a blockbuster new segment, "Gary Mintz: Sex Robot." / (Dave): "A company in New Jersey has developed what they're calling the world's first sex robot. We placed a call over there and they said, 'Sure,' so they sent out a prototype. Ladies and gentlemen, please say hello to the newest sex robot. Come on out. Here he is, ladies and gentlemen."••• Act 5 Audience Pan: "Join us tomorrow as Dave welcomes Kiefer Sutherland." ••• Jason Sudeikis plugs Saturday Night Live. ••• Findlay Brown sings. 1/13/10 [3245]: monologue: "Let me tell you something. I have not been this entertained by NBC since Balloon Boy threw up on the Today show." ••• "Jay Leno: The Early Years" / video: (photo of a boy on a stage)••• It looks as if Jay Leno is going to go back to 11:30, but he has other plans in the works. / video: (clip): opening TV show montage••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights, and "Did you know that due to a typo on his DMV application, Kiefer Sutherland's vanity license plate is '25'?" ••• desk chat: Dave once again has a discourse on the drama involved with shuffling Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien. Dave says, "Many, many, many top stars - proven television personalities - and their careers and futures are at stake here, and it's all because of the bungling machinations of the idiots at the NBC executive level." He goes on to tell how, after one of the Late Night anniversary specials at Radio City Music Hall, he got so mad at the "pinheads, the nitwits and the twits and the knuckle draggers and the mouth breathers" that he sent Executive Producer and personal manager Jack Rollins to uninvite one of them from the after party. He saw the man later, hanging his head, but said, "When you're this dumb, there's a price that comes with that." "You can't walk around being stupid and expect to be invited to parties," Dave observes. "Here's my goal, my dream, for American television. I just want everybody who wants a show to have a show," Dave says. "It's 2010. If we can't get these kids shows, then the terrorists have won!" Dave concludes by telling about Jay Leno hiding in a closet to eavesdrop on an executives' meeting to discuss who should get the Tonight Show.••• Top Ten Messages Left on Jeff Zucker's Voicemail ••• graphic: big picture of Jeff Zucker ••• desk chat after commercial: more on NBC ••• Kiefer Sutherland (in a dress because he lost a bet on the New England Patriots over the weekend) plugs the new season of 24. By the way, the CBSO played Kiefer offstage with Aerosmith's "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)." ••• clip: Dave and Dennis Rodman in dresses, out on the sidewalk, on 11/15/96 ••• desk chat: Dave brings up the recent 7.0 earthquake in Haiti, and encourages viewers to help. Contribute by visiting World Food Program. On Tuesday, Bettina Luescher of the United Nations World Food Program will be a guest on the Late Show. ••• Act 5 Audience Pan: "Be sure to catch tomorrow's Late Show, with Dr. O. Wayne Isom." ••• Keri Russell plugs Extraordinary Measures. What a beautiful woman! ••• The Hot Rats sing. ••• with closing credits: photo of Jeff Zucker 1/14/10 [3246]: monologue: "Earlier today, NBC announced that they were putting the NBC peacock on the endangered species list." ••• monologue: "I thought this was nice. President Obama invited Jay and Conan to the White House for a beer." ••• Jay Leno likes to be the center of attention. / New York Harbor cam: The Statue of Liberty has been replaced by The Statue of Leno! ••• Dave announces that today is the 10th anniversary of his quintuple bypass operation. ••• live via satellite from Burbank, California: We have a camera on NBC Studios, watching the chimney for word that a new Tonight Show host has been selected. ••• back to Burbank: At last! White smoke from the NBC chimney! ••• Mr. Leno has been getting a lot of negative publicity for all the turmoil at NBC. / video: (voice-over): "Jay Leno is Middle America."••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: Dave proudly announces an unexpected visit today by Leslie Moonves, president of CBS. Les wanted Dave to know that he was happy Dave's there. ••• desk chat: It's more on the NBC mess. Dave just wants us to know that Jay Leno is a humanitarian... a man of the people. Dave doesn't know how many times he's picked up the newspaper to read another account of Jay stopping on the roadside to help refuel a car or change a tire. He cares about people. Dave says, "Whatever happens, he will, of course, do the right thing. He will probably, if I had to bet, will step aside and let Conan continue as the host of the Tonight Show. That's the kind of guy he is: putting others first." (audience members and home viewers all giggling) ••• Top Ten Pieces of Advice for People Having Heart Surgery ••• Denzel Washington plugs The Book of Eli. ••• Dr. O. Wayne Isom recaps Dave's operation, and receives Dave's thanks for letting him live to have Harry. ••• The Low Anthem sing. 1/15/10 [3247]: interruption: Costume Designer Sue Hum appears onstage and begins working on Dave's jacket with a lint lifter.
(Sue): "Want to make sure you look good."••• monologue: "The Underpants Bomber couldn't get his underpants to explode. He ought to come to my place for tacos!" ••• Has anyone gone through airport security since the Underpants Bomber did his thing? / photo: people in crazy costumes ••• Mayor Bloomberg's concerned about the health of New Yorkers, and is putting some new measures in place. / video: (voice-over): "Mayor Michael Bloomberg and the New York City Department of Health are leading a national salt-reduction initiative to lower sodium consumption by 20% in the next five years."••• There are big changes coming to television in the coming months. / video: (voice-over): "The television landscape is changing every day. To keep you, the viewer, informed, we've compiled a list of the most recent developments. George Stephanopoulos, who had been hosting This Week, is now hosting Good Morning America. Ted Koppel, who used to host Nightline, will now host This Week. Jay Leno, who used to host the Tonight Show at 11:35, but has since moved to 10 P.M., will reclaim his slot at 11:35. Conan O'Brien, who used to host Late Night at 12:35, but has since moved to the Tonight Show, will move to 12:05, or to Fox. And Larry King will be replaced by a boot."••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• after commercial: Dave moseys into the audience to deliver a birthday dinner-for-two certificate for the Red Eye Grill. ••• "Green Tips" /
1/18/10 [3248]: There's Jets fever in New York. / Photoshop fun: The Statue of Liberty is Jets green! ••• Gene Szymanski, wearing a Jets jersey, strolls onstage to collect $50 from Dave. We all assume it's for a bet on the big Jets win. Actually, it's a recurring debt. Dave has to pay the crew to not beat him up. ••• Chemical Ali has been sentenced to death about four times now. We have an updated police sketch of him. / photo: Amy Winehouse ••• The Colts look forward to playing the Jets in the AFC championship game on Sunday. / video: (voice-over): "The Colts look forward to facing the Jets on Sunday. Indianapolis will be without Peyton Manning, however, because he's filming a Radio Shack™ commercial at noon, and a Gatorade™ commercial at three. Peyton Manning: back in the fall."••• "The Future of the Tonight Show" / video: (voice-over): "January 2010: Conan O'Brien hosts his final Tonight Show. March 2010: Jay Leno resumes hosting The Tonight Show. July 2042: NBC converts Jay Leno into a cyborg, so he can host The Tonight Show through the 23rd century."••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: Jay Leno's America's best friend. He'll stop along the road and fix your car, like AAA. Dave has a copy of the January 15 New York Times. It has an interview with NBC's Dick Ebersol, who's now gotten into the fray over the Tonight Show situation. Ebersol said it was "chicken-hearted and gutless to blame a guy you couldn't beat in the ratings." Dave acknowledges that he is, in fact, chicken-hearted and gutless, but that's not why he's been making the jokes. He explains, "I'm telling jokes and making fun of Jay Leno, over and over and over, relentlessly, mercilessly, simply for one reason: I'm really enjoying it. I don't know... it's just fun!" ••• Top Ten Signs the New York Jets Are Getting Cocky ••• Kristen Bell plugs When in Rome. ••• Randy Jackson plugs American Idol. ••• Act 5 Audience Pan: "Don't miss tomorrow's Late Show, with guest Dwayne Johnson." ••• The Heavy sing. 1/19/10 [3249]: intro: "And now, chicken-hearted, gutless talk show host, David Letterman!" ••• monologue: "Conan O'Brien wants to work for a network that is more trustworthy than NBC. Well, what about Al Jazeera?" ••• monologue: "Here's how bad things are at NBC out there in Burbank, at the headquarters of NBC out there in Burbank, here's how bad they are. Earlier today, the NBC peacock walked into a KFC and surrendered. That's how bad." ••• monologue: The FBI has updated an earlier photo of Osama bin Laden to show what he looks like now. / photo: Hmmm. He sure looks a lot like Mr. Suspenders, Larry King. ••• monologue: When you out there in the mountains, on the run, like Osama, it's a rough, tough life. / updated photo: Nick Nolte's booking photo from September 2002 ••• NBC is promoting the new Tonight Show with Jay Leno. / video: (voice-over): "Hey, late night fans! In just a few short weeks, Jay Leno will be back where he belongs, as host of the Tonight Show."••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: Dave wants to talk again about Jay Leno and the Tonight Show. "What we're seeing now is vintage Jay," Dave says. Jay says we should not blame Conan for what is going on. "And I said to myself," Dave says, "no one is blaming Conan." ••• Dwayne Johnson plugs The Tooth Fairy. He used to be Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, by the way. ••• Act 5 Audience Pan: plug for donations to the World Food Programme at www.wfp.org/lateshow ••• Bettina Luescher of the United Nations World Food Programme ••• Dave announces that The Swell Season was bumped. 1/20/10 [3250]: cold open with Dave and Executive Producer Jude Brennan / video: (Dave): "NBC is giving Conan $40,000,000 to walk away. $40,000,000 to walk away! What do you think of that?"••• monologue: "In Southern California it's pouring rain. It's one of those times a year in Southern California when it's raining like crazy out there in Los Angeles, and there's flooding everywhere. And I'm thinkin' to myself, 'Whoa! It's a good thing that Conan O'Brien's getting sandbagged.' " ••• monologue: "They've got the floods. They've got the mudslides. And the only thing left standing, as usual, is Jay Leno." ••• "Politicians Who Used to Be Models" / video: Senator-Elect Scott Brown, Gerald Ford and Abraham Lincoln (holding his stovepipe hat in sort of an unusual place) ••• The FBI has updated their photo of Osama bin Laden by using a computer. / picture: It's a very tired-looking Osama, wearing a Florida Marlins cap. ••• "Jay Leno: A Look Back" / video: (voice-over): "In 2010, Jay Leno stole The Tonight Show from Conan O'Brien. In 1992, he claimed the host's chair by forcing out the beloved Johnny Carson. And in 1961, a conniving Jay Leno managed to wrest control of The Tonight Show from Jack Paar."••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: CBS is a family which includes performers and affiliates, and they rely on each other. / "CBS Affiliate of the Night" / video: (graphic): KOIN local 6 - Portland, Vancouver, Salem••• Alan Kalter asked for airtime to speak to the home viewers. Here we go: (Alan): "And thank you, Gutless. This week marks the one-year anniversary of President Barack Obama taking office. Well, has he met the expectations of voters over the past 12 months? Let's find out what the people have to say."••• interruption: Dave says it's time to buy Girl Scout cookies from a lady in the audience, for Troop 50156. Dave wants all of them. Each girl is supposed to sell 20 boxes. There are 13 girls in the troop, and cookies are $4 a box. Dave says to give her $1,040. Then he says to give her $2,000. ••• Claire Danes plugs Temple Grandin on HBO. ••• out of commercial: Eddie Brill takes $2,000 to the Girl Scout audience lady. He wants the cookies delivered to Carly Kennelly of KOIN-6 in Portland, Oregon. ••• Will Arnett plugs When in Rome. ••• Carole King and James Taylor sing. 1/21/10 [3251]: Scott Brown was elected Senator from Massachusetts on Tuesday. He has naughty pictures in Cosmopolitan on his resume. Dave has near-nekkid pictures of Senator Brown and Senator Chuck Schumer for us. Ewww. Not only that, he has video of Sen. Brown and his wife walking nekkid on a beach. (Cue slide whistle.) (x2) ••• Jay Leno is a shrewd negotiator. Dave has security cam footage of Jay settling his deal with an NBC executive. / video: (scene from Collision Course, 1989)••• (monologue): "But don't worry about Conan. Conan leaving the show, but he's taking with him $45,000,000. $45,000,000. He had the gig for seven months. He's leaving with $45,000,000. I'm tellin' you, it's like a Larry King divorce. That's exactly what it's like. And as part of the settlement with Conan O'Brien, Conan will not be allowed to badmouth NBC. Ahh, don't worry, I'll take care of that!" ••• "Getting to Know Carson Daly" / video: (photos of Mr. Daly)••• "The Jay Leno File" / video: (voice-over): "2010: Jay Leno's failure in prime time forces Conan O'Brien to step down as host of The Tonight Show. 1992: Jay Leno begins his rise as host of The Tonight Show, forcing talk show legend Johnny Carson off the air."••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• after commercial: Dave is unfocused. He's not addressing the audience. Paul Shaffer is forced to intervene. It turns out that Dave is gazing at a hunky picture of Senator Scott Brown that's been hung on the set. ••• desk chat: People are asking why Dave is telling more jokes about Jay Leno than Conan "Big Hair" O'Brien. He decides to correct the problem. This is exciting. Writer Joe Grossman has agreed to come onstage with his little notebook of jokes. Joe appears and begins. ••• Top Ten Surprising Facts About Scott Brown ••• outside video: Harrison Ford signing autographs for eBay enterpreneurs ••• Harrison Ford plugs Extraordinary Measures. ••• Act 5 Audience Pan: plug for the United Nations World Food Programme (www.wfp.org/lateshow) ••• more Harrison Ford ••• Dave shows a picture of Harrison Ford. No, silly... not the actor... the imaginary car dealership. ••• The Blind Boys of Alabama (with special guest Lou Reed) sing. 1/22/10 [3252]: interruption: Producer Brian Teta strolls onstage with a fast food order. (Dave): "Oh, my God!"••• Bill Carter wrote The Late Shift in response to NBC's snub of Dave back in 1993. The book was made into a movie. Now there's a sequel. (voice-over): "In 1996, HBO gave us the critically-acclaimed movie about the late night wars, and now the story continues in Late Shift 2, a behind-the-scenes look at the struggle between Conan and Jay over the 11:35 time slot. Featuring Max von Sydow as David Letterman."••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights / In honor of the troubles at NBC, the CBSO selects U2's "It's a Beautiful Day" to play into commercial. ••• desk chat: Dave's apparently said all he has about NBC for the moment. He wants to talk about Harry's unusual pets. He has African clawed frogs and albino frogs. Their names are Swimmy and Clinker. Harry has toads, too. Their names are Hoppy and Zoogy. The toads are fun, but they burrow, so if you want to pretend you have a pet, you have to dig 'em up. The toads eat crickets, but you have to dust them with calcium powder before serving. ••• "Fun Facts" / Dave gets in trouble with Paul for hurrying through tonight's facts, but Dave's afraid of Gaines, because she's only given him two minutes for the segment. Dave tries to put a little more into it.
1/25/10: REPEAT FROM 1/07/10 1/26/10: REPEAT FROM 1/14/10 1/27/10: REPEAT FROM 1/12/10 1/28/10: REPEAT FROM 1/13/10 1/29/10: REPEAT FROM 1/06/10 2/01/10 [3253] [28th ANNIVERSARY ON LATE NIGHT]: New York Post photo: New York Jets coach Rex Ryan is seen giving the finger to Miami Dolphin fans. ••• monologue: Dave announces the 28th anniversary. ••• monologue: The excitement on the show is bigger now. The audience is bigger. The printing on the cue cards is huge. (shot of Tony Mendez) ••• It's the return of the screaming girls whenever Fed chairman Ben Bernanke's name is uttered. (x 2) ••• Saddam Hussein's worthless, mass-murdering first cousin, Ali Hassan Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti (Chemical Ali), was hanged by the neck until dead on January 25. / photo: Chemical Andy (Andy Dick) / Dave wonders if it's too soon to hit on his wife, Chemical Shirley. (The guy who killed NBC was Chemical Zucker.) ••• The new Senator from Massachusetts, Scott Brown, was on with Barbara Walters over the weekend. / video: the naked beach clip ••• Barack Obama's first State of the Union Address was delivered on January 27. / video: The president is seen speaking for a few seconds, then we cut to a clip of George W. Bush entering the House chamber to deliver his State of the Union Address. ••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: Denise in the audience says her wedding anniversary is Feb. 1, and she's seen every episode of Dave in late night. She's in the audience with her sister's husband. By the way, her 28th anniversary was in November. Dave's had enough. He gives her dinner for one at 21. ••• premiere of "Tonight's Gift the Audience Will Not Be Receiving" (pans of the audience)••• Top Ten Surprises in the $3.8 Trillion Federal Deficit ••• Bruce Willis enters in a New York Jets jersey. (The Jets won't be playing in the Super Bowl on Sunday.)
2/02/10 [3254]: monologue: Boy, was last night's audience ever hostile. In fact, when Dave came out, the entire audience gave him the Rex Ryan salute. / picture of Rex Ryan giving the finger on the front page of the New York Post ••• monologue: There's a Burger King® in Miami where you can get beer with your Whopper™. It's nothing new, really. People have beer and a hamburger all the time. / video: David Hasselhoff, drunk, eating a hamburger off a floor ••• Groundhog Day is the third-biggest party day of the year, so we have "Groundhog Day: Did You Know?" / video: (clip of the groundhog men in their ridiculous hats)••• interruption: Property Master Pat Farmer shows up by the desk. He wants to talk about Academy Award nominations. Dave's a little discouraged that Pat has no idea that he has a show. ••• interruption: The camera on Dave takes a terrible hit. (Dave, looking over at Dave Dorsett): "Are you alright?"••• Top Ten Reasons Your Film Wasn't Nominated for an Academy Award ••• John Travolta plugs From Paris with Love. ••• Act 5 Audience Pan ••• U.S. Olympic snowboarder, Shaun White ••• Ben Harper and Relentless7 sing. 2/03/10 [3255]: interruption: Costume Designer Sue Hum appears onstage. She begins pouring a white powder in a neat circle around Dave. She exclaims, "I don't want that smoke monster to get you!" Dave eventually says, "Sue, that's enough. Thanks." "Fine. Let 'em kill you," she replies. (A Google search indicates that this has something to do with the season premiere of Lost last night. Well, the whole joke's lost on me, because I've never seen the show. Is that bad?) ••• monologue: "President Obama is very shrewd about bringing the Republicans into the White House for the Super Bowl party, because if he can get them to pass the dip, maybe he can get them to pass health care." ••• interruption: Mr. Biff Henderson shows up during the monologue, costumed as a Minnesota Viking fan. It seems he thinks they're in the Super Bowl on Sunday. Biff has some cute yellow braids, by the way. ••• "Effects of President Obama's Spending Freeze" / video: (voice-over): "57 million dollars saved by abandoning a proposal to turn Mount Rushmore into a singing quartet."••• "James Cameron's Technological Innovations" / video: (graphics and theme from Patton)••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• interruption: Producer Brian Teta shows up behind Dave's desk. He's blue, except his eyeballs. (Dave): "The category tonight on the Top Ten..." |
